We sit in silence. Dakota has been quiet all morning. I look up at her and her eyes are glued to her hands. Her thumb keeps tapping repeatedly and she sits back and sighs.
"Dakota.."
"It's fine.." she whispers. She takes a deep breath and sits forward again
"Talk to me?" I lean forward and take her hand gently. She intertwines her fingers into mine and settles back into my chest
"I don't feel ready to be a Mum. I don't know how Ill react if I am going to be. I just don't feel ready Jamie."
My heart aches. Shes terrified and its all my fault. If only I had noticed the condom split. I kiss her head and rest my chin.
"I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I didn't know.." I whisper. Her thumb strokes over mine and she kisses my hand.
"It wasn't your fault. Things like this happen" Her breathing steadies. We sit in silence for the remainder of the wait.
Finally the door opens and the doctor calls us in.
"Mr Dornan, Miss Johnson. Have a seat" She smiles as we walk in and shuts the door behind us
"So a pregnancy scare?"
Dakota nods.
"When was it the condom snapped?"
"Um about two weeks ago.." I mutter.
"Okay.. Dakota if I give you this.." she hands Dakota a pee pot and Dakota nods. "Give it me back when you are done"
I watch Dakota disappear into the restroom and my attention turns back onto Dr Foster.
"How slim is it that she isn't pregnant?" I ask. She looks at me and her glasses just slip down so I can see her eyes.
"I'd be surprised if she wasn't is my answer."
I take a gulp and try to relax as much as I can. Dakota returns and Dr Foster then disappears.
"I'm terrified"
"I know.. I am too"
"You have Dulcie, you know you are a good father. I have no idea. I'm not ready. Me and you are hardly at the best right now. The house isn't equipped for a baby. I'm already stressing Jamie" She slumps down and closes her eyes as she rests her head back
"Baby.." I take her hand and her eyes open and focus on me
"I have watched you with Dulcie, you are amazing with her. You would be even more brilliant with your own child. It isn't the best of times I know that but we would sort a house out and everything else that needs to be sorted. If we are having a baby, I know we will give he or she the best start in life. You will make a brilliant Mother. Don't ever doubt that"
"I'm just scared I won't be enough"
"You are more than enough"
Dr Foster comes back in and sits down in her chair quietly. She starts to type on the computer and then turns to us.
"The urine is showing no signs of pregnancy. It isn't very clear. What I would suggest is getting a clear blue test and taking it in three days. It is accurate and if you still struggle to find out come back in and we will have another try with your urine"
"Thank you Dr Foster." Dakota shakes her hand and I follow her action. We both head out and back to the car.
I can't lie I am a little gutted. Having a baby with Dakota would be more than amazing. Half of me and half of the woman I absolutely adore. I know she isn't ready and I really do respect that. I just hope in the future that it is something that can happen. Having our own little family.
"You are quiet.."
"Just thinking. You have perked up abit" We both get in the car and Dakota looks at me
"What do you mean?" She moves her sunglasses onto the dash and looks back at me
"Nothing."
"Well it's something Jamie"
" I guess having a baby isn't such a bad thing.. I don't know, I am pretty gutted about it. I'd love a family with you"
"Jamie, I never said we can't have a family. I just don't feel ready right now and you of all people should understand that. I want to be able to confidently say I want this child and I know I can give that child my all and everything they need. Right now I can't say that. We need to look into houses and cars and location. Its a big thing Jamie"
"I know, forget I said anything" I pull out of the car park and begin our journey home. The silence in the car is deafening. I don't want to say anything else or wind her up. I respect her decision.
"I'm sorry.." I whisper
"You have made me feel bad.." she turns her body so it is facing away from me. I feel my heart drop. Shit.
"Dakota no.. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please just forget I said anything. I understand and agree with everything you said okay? Please don't be mad with me"
Her head turns slightly and I pull over near a fast food restaurant. I rest my hand on her back and she shrugs it off. I really am In the doghouse.
"Please just get us home" she mutters. I nod to myself and start up the car again. I can already feel this night dragging.
"Silent treatment then?" I ask
"No, I just don't have anything to say right now. Im processing everything"
"Babe, Honestly forget what I said"
"You want a child? With me?"
"Yes. I'd love a child with you."
"Why?"
"Because I love you and having a child would nean half of me and half of you and it would be a beautiful little thing"
"What about Dulc?"
"She would love being a big sister, she thinks she is a big sister to the dogs"
Dakota giggles and my anxiety slowly calms down. Thank god she is laughing.
"One day okay? Just not now" She smiles at me and I smile back.
"One day."
We pull into the apartment carpark and I reverse into the space. As we go to leave Dakotas phone rings.
"Dr Foster.." she pulls a confused face and slides her finger across the screen
"Hey Dr! Is everything okay?"
I watch as she talks. Her head turns to face me rapidly. Shes pale and her mouth drops open.
"I.. i.."
"What?" i raise my eyebrow and she gets out the car and runs into the lifts.
What the fuck?
YOU ARE READING
Love runs out
FanfictionJamie is lost and broken. He cant see his daughter and is sinking into a never ending hole of upset and heartbreak. Can Dakota bring that cheeky chappy smile back and make him realise he is loved no matter what?
