"Where then?"
"Not on this Earth."
Hattie Black is the daughter of Sirius Black. Growing up she never had a set home, her parents weren't together and that meant she had to change between houses all of the time. Even during school holidays when she...
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* * *
Throughout the day Hattie had made no attempt to socialise or leave her seat in the living room. She had long given up on the book she had, placing it in the shelf and sighing as she leaned back in the armchair. Her fingertips tapped of the side as she looked around the room. Boredom was another reason she hated earth.
Hattie always had a belief that the afterlife was much better than earth would ever be. She'd be able to mix with anyone from any period of time. Smashing rocks with a caveman, eating pie with Henry VIII, singing with Elvis. She'd be able to experience much more than she would alive. Death seemed so appealing and living didn't. That was it. It was not much of an explanation but that was it.
Her stomach grumbled and Hattie stared down at it in disgust. Placing her hands under her top, she pinched the skin on her belly and pulled on it to see how far it stretched. It didn't stretch far. She groaned and released the skin her head falling so that it was hanging over the edge of the chair just as everyone else entered the living room.
The girl went to get up and leave but was stopped by her father. "Where are you going?" Sirius asked her.
"To my room." She replied pointing to the door.
Sirius shook his head, "no, you aren't hiding up there. Spend some time with us, sweetheart."
Hattie sighed, nodding and returned to her seat. Curling back up into it she listened every so often to the chatter in the room sometimes fading in and out.
She observed how they all looked when they laughed, how each of their faces were different even though they were doing the same thing. Some people's noses scrunched, other's eyes squeezed shut, and other's cheeks grew red. So different yet they were all happy.
Sometimes, Hattie wished to know what it felt like. Laughing. It had been so long since she had done so, she had forgotten the feeling. It came so naturally to everyone but to Hattie it was a difficult task to simply smile. She could stand in front of the mirrors for hours trying to smile, to feel happy, but it would work. It was like she was destined to be this way.
And it was all her choice.
* * *
At dinner Molly had piled her plate so height that she didn't know whether eating a small amount would even make a dent. Charlie who was sat to her left had already started eating and when he noticed the girl just looking down at her plate he turned to her. "Are you okay?"
Nodding, Hattie brought a spoon of peas to her mouth, eating them. Charlie smiled at her before returning to his dinner not noticing the fact the girl wasn't eating much other than wants she had just on her spoon. It didn't look as if anyone else had noticed so Hattie kept placing an empty fork in her mouth rather than one with food on.
Once everyone has finished their dinner the plates were being cleared away and when Lily got to Hattie's she stopped eyeing the girl curiously. She pressed the back of her hand to the girl's forehead followed by her cheeks, "Sweetheart, did you eat?" Lily asked.
"Yeah, there was just so much I got full quickly." Hattie said quietly. Lily seemed to buy her lie and took her plate anyway leaving the girl to excuse herself.
Molly stopped her, "Do you not want any dessert, Hattie, dear?" She asked and suddenly all eyes were on her.
"Oh...um...sure." Hattie said and sat back down. Plates of cheesecake were passed around and Hattie felt awful. She really didn't want to eat anything else, she just wanted to sleep.
From under the table her knees were bouncing up and down and her hands were fumbling with each other. Hattie thanked Molly for the dessert and then slowly took a bite. It was hard for her to swallow it. She didn't look up, the struggle to force the cake down was getting harder, her eyes were brimming with tears and Hattie was afraid that they would spill.
No one could know anything.
If she cried then they would ask questions. They would ask and not understand a thing. They wouldn't understand what it felt like to what to die, that there wasn't a purpose in life for them. They didn't know what it was like to have to force themselves to eat so that nobody knew the pain they were feeling.
They didn't know the pain that made her so numb at the same time.
They didn't know a thing.
That's how it was going to stay.
After a few bites, Hattie excused herself to go to the bathroom. The group didn't think anything of it other than the fact she needed to do her business. But their idea of 'business' was not what they would expect.
Like a fountain, Hattie let everything go. She fell to her knees, leaning her forehead on the cold, tiled floor, her breathing shallow as she tried to catch her breath. The girl still had to fight back her tears and laying on the floor for a few moments allowed her to do so.
After a few minutes she hauled herself up, wiping her mouth with tissue and flushing the toilet. Spraying the air with air freshener she then brushed her teeth and returned to the dining room. "Everything alright?" Charlie asked her once more.
Yet again, Hattie nodded, "you can have this. I'm full." She pushed the rest of her cheese cake towards him. Grinning appreciatively, Charlie quickly dig into the dessert finishing it quickly.
Hattie could only wonder how he could do that. How they could all eat and not want to throw it all up? It didn't make sense to her. She had gotten so used to the way she was that even eating confused her.
Maybe this was the worlds way of telling her she wasn't right.
