"Where then?"
"Not on this Earth."
Hattie Black is the daughter of Sirius Black. Growing up she never had a set home, her parents weren't together and that meant she had to change between houses all of the time. Even during school holidays when she...
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* * *
You know the worst thing about Hattie? How good of an actress she is. For weeks, months since she was sent home from school after the astronomy tower situation, shall we call it, she was faking everything. She told everyone she was getting better. She was eating. She was not cutting.
Oh they could not be more oblivious.
Oblivious to the fact that she left it fifteen minutes after every meal before sneaking off to the bathroom where she would throw everything back up.
She had stopped cutting?
Nope. She just replaced the bandages that were on her arms each time.
That issue where she woke up and her arms were itching?
That was just a minor issue. Yes they had itched and she had given in but it wasn't the first time she had "given in to temptation".
She hated herself for doing it but she couldn't help it. She wasn't going to get better that easily and she wasn't just going to stop it all at a drop of a hat. Nothing works like that. Yet, everyone seemed to think it does.
Let's not even get started on her councillor. He had to be dumb. Or so she thought. He was trained to help and notice the signs to all of this but no. He too didn't notice any of this.
Not even Charlie noticed.
In the middle of the night, Hattie woke up and the urges came. Peeling away the bandages, she threw them onto the floor and pulled up the edge of her mattress where a blade laid hidden from everyone. The cold metal was exhilarating as she pressed it into her arm relieving heralded from her inner torment.
Slice after slice meant the bubble grew and wasn't suffocating her as much as it was when she wasn't cutting.
She was getting better?
Far from it.
Sure, she felt good around Charlie, Jojeen, Winnie, Seamus and even Gilbert but she still wasn't "better".
Crying, she let her tears mix and blend with her blood and watched as it trickled down her arms onto her bare legs as she wore only an old t-shirt and her underwear. It splashed onto the scars on her thighs which were never covered with bandages unlike her arms.
The blood ran and painted on her body and despite her tears she let out a shaky giggle as her back pressed against the mattress.
Freedom.
* * *
Remus got up for a drink and once he returned he went to check in on Hattie but when he did the sight was not what he was expecting. After a few days with Seamus, Dean, Neville, staying along with Hermione and the Weasleys who were still in the house, Hattie had seemed brighter and cheerier compared to her down mood of late. Clearly it was all an act to fool everyone and Remus didn't notice until he pushed open her bedroom door that night.
There she laid, a smile on her face, a bald in her hand and blood running from her arms everywhere. "Hattie!" He exclaimed running forward. He snatched the blade from her hand and threw it onto the desk.
His eyes surveyed the room, the floor where the bandages laid and then back to the girl. "I thought you were getting better..." he said shaking his head.
Hattie didn't reply she simply continued to stare up at the ceiling. It was as if she was in a trance. "SIRIUS!" Remus bellowed not caring who he woke up in the process. He didn't bother with the nickname he went straight for the seriousness. "SIRIUS! COME QUICKLY!"
He heard the bedroom doors slam open and many footsteps echoed throughout the house. Sirius burst into Hattie's room and dropped down to Remus' side. "Darling?" He asked, his voice laced with a mix of fear and sadness.
Hattie let out a giggle.
That was all.
The 'children' that entered the room gasped. Harry went to his mothers side and she held onto her son tightly.
"I'm going to get the first aid kit." Molly said quietly and rushed out of the room.
Ron pushed through the group and he pulled out some tissue from his pocket and carefully raised up Hattie's arms. He gently soaked up as much blood as he could with the tissue as everyone waited for his mother to return with the first aid kit.
"Hattie," he muttered, "Why?"
Her eyes flickered to him, "the same reason as before." She stated nonchalantly.
He shook his head and took the bandages from his mother and wrapped the around her arms securing them. Everyone stood silently in the room.
"I thought you were getting better," Said Harry.
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Hattie asked them. "It's like some shock to you that I've relapsed. News flash I haven't relapsed because I never stopped."
"Hattie, no!"
She rolled her eyes and looked directly into Remus' eyes, "I just want to fly."
"And you keep saying that! What does that even mean?!" Sirius snapped, "Why have you been lying to me?!"
Hattie didn't look at him, "it's the way I am. I can't help who I am."
"That makes no sense answer the question, Harriet." Sirius retorted.
"Pads, stop." Said James, he didn't want a repeat of Hattie hating Sirius. "Don't yell at her."
Hattie sat up and Ron placed her hand behind her back. "Let him yell at me." Hattie told her uncle. "Words don't hurt me or scare me."
"What is going on?" Ginny Asked.
Hattie's eyes flickered and her usual grey colour was darker. "I hate everything that's what."
"Not again."
Hattie shrugged. "I can't help the way I am. I never stopped. I never will."
