The Arrangement: It Led Me To Love

Chapter 39 - Ellison's POV

I awake from a restless sleep feeling as though I had only just collapsed into bed. I trailed my sorry ass into my bedroom around one in the morning after I finished crying about my messed up relationship with Laurene. I love her, but she needs to stop being so hard headed. It really is vexatious. I do not have the courage to tell her my feelings now, as she obviously does not require them. I wanted to tell her whilst we are in Greece, if the perfect moment had of occurred, but maybe it is good that we never got to explore the deeper waters. It would have made everything so much harder.

Maybe it is not even love that I am feeling. Maybe it is just attraction. Maybe enchantment. It would not surprise me, Laurene looks like a living Goddess. However, when I look into her eyes or see the way she treats others, I know without a doubt that I am irrevocably in love with her. As creepy as it sounds, I am obsessed with her – everything is centred on Laurene, Laurene, and Laurene. She always consumes my thoughts, and what is worse is that she is always right there, next to me. I have no escape from her. This makes impossible it get over her when her qualities and persona are like a magnet to my emotions, enticing me ever closer to her. The distance we will have between us in America should do me good, and help me to get over her.

I roll onto my side to check my alarm clock, which reads eight AM. I will be leaving Greece in four hours. A strange sadness stabs in my chest as I realise what this will mean. No more freedom or laziness. Work. Normality. I wish my life could entail me living here with Laurene and our children. Wait what! With Laurene? Moreover, children? Our children? Where did that come from? My heart starts to speed at an alarming rate as I realise that a future entailing that does not sound so bad... at all.

After our entire luggage has been loaded onto the plane, the pilot foretells us of our imminent departure. Laurene and I are sat in the furthest seats from each other, and the distance between us feels mind numbing. I crave to be near her again, to feel her warmth, see her beauty and smell her sweet scent, but I cannot. She wants space from me so that is exactly what she is going to get. As the plane starts rolling forward, my eyes connect with Laurene, and my heart breaks a little seeing her look so broken, sad and tired inside. She obviously did not sleep well, which kindles a spark of hopefulness in me that we will pull through this, as she is obviously saddened about the situation as well. She pulls her eyes away from mine with a distressed sigh, looking out of the window to escape my strong gaze.

If she wasn't so obstinate and hard headed, then maybe things would not have turned out this way. If she accepted the fact that I can't tell her everything right now then I am sure we would be together as friends right now. But she does have a point. I can't expect her to tell me about her troubles if I can't tell her mine. I don't want her to get involved in this mess because she is too innocent and pure. I will not let them take another loved one from me, and torturously corrupt the virtuousness out of them. I just can't go through it again.

The plane ride is quiet and tense as Laurene retreats to one of the bedrooms, locking herself away from me. I watch a couple of movies, but I cannot bring myself to focus on them as my mind is stuck, jutting repeatedly on all of my worries about returning home, the situation with the Mafia and of course, Laurene. I divert my attention to the window, as I watch the wing slicing through the clouds, and I try to see the remaining fragments. Clouds pool as great mountains, slightly changing from pearl white to a calm yellow, warmly glowing in the soft sunshine. Watching this in awe, I finally let my mind go blank and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

***

I awake with a start as a flight attendant carefully shakes my arm. Sleep is still fogging up my brain as I try to coordinate my thoughts with no success. Rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes I realise that the plane has landed and it is time to leave. I must have been sleeping really deeply to have not woken up during the descent! Looking down I realise that my belt has been done up, but definitely not by me. I shudder as I think that maybe the flight attendant did it.