last summer - jack gilinsky

thirty four

being back in tuscaloosa was both a relief and a stressor.

two months ago, carly gave birth to a boy.

she named him after sam.

once i knew she had the baby, i ignored everything she had to post on social media. the pain of seeing sam's baby would be too much for me.

it's been almost a year.

a year since i lost sam. a year since i lost my first love, my friend, a person willing to do anything and everything for me.

i knocked on the door, pacing in front of it and contemplating if it was a good idea or not. before i could just walk away, carly opened the door.

"rose?" she seemed happy to see me.

"yeah, hey." i smiled awkwardly. "i uh.."

"come in!"

i followed her into the apartment and i heard the babbling from the moment i stepped into the living room.

in the center of the room, a baby blue and white crib was set up. on the tv, a show about the alphabet and the first ten numbers was on with a talking dog as the host.

"this is sammy.." she smiled nervously. she leaned over and picked up the baby, my heart beating faster. when i saw him, i melted.

"oh my gosh."

she looked at him with complete admiration, his eyes open and looking around carly's face, hands on his own face.

"lori and emily have been in town to watch him while i'm at my classes, i'm only taking morning classes." she explained. they're here?

she seemed almost nervous for me to be around, holding the baby close.

"carly, i'm pregnant too."

her eyes widened. "you and jack?"

i shook my head. "no."

i spent nearly twenty minutes explaining everything to carly and when i was done, she simply looked at my stomach. "im sorry, rose. for sammy. and for how skyler treated you."

my mind momentarily flashed to sam, the night we had in this exact apartment and how i had betrayed jack to be with him.

another knock at the door caught me by surprise.

"it's just emily!" carly smiled, opening the door to let emily into the house.

"rose?!" emily screamed excitedly, running over to give me a hug.

"hi!" i laughed, embracing her. i found myself thinking of what it would've been like if sammy and i never broke up, if i would be in carly's position.

i caught up with emily and let her know everything, from the moment i found out about jack and madison to when i heard about skyler's murder.

"and jack is helping you?" she questioned, holding baby sam. i nodded.

"i love him. i really do." i sighed, sitting on the couch.

"are you two coming to omaha next week?" emily asked, handing the baby back to carly who then carried him to the kitchen with her.

"jack didn't tell me.." i tried to think of anything was mentioned to me about going to nebraska. there wasn't.

"we're having a celebration of life for sammy. mom and i fly back a day before and we sent an invite to jack at his la house. we thought he'd tell you." emily frowned at the last part.

"no. he didn't." i immediately took out my phone and sent jack a text.

to: jack 💖
why didn't you tell me we were invited to sam's celebration?

-

i drove the hour to the airport to pick jack up and there was already tension between us.

"i didn't want you to know, okay?" he answered my question that he hadn't responded to earlier in the day.

"why?"

"you and sam's family.. they.. they love you. they treat you like you're their daughter. like you and sam had something more than you ever did."

the last part hurt a little. "what makes you say that?"

"when we were there. the way you just fit with them." he sighed. "you haven't even met my parents, and we were engaged."

"so let me get this straight.." i began. "you're jealous of how sammy's family treats me and that made you not tell me about an entire memorial for sam?"

"when you say it that way it sounds bad."

i rolled my eyes and continued the drive to the house jack and i lived in. i silently hoped none of skyler's things were there from the time or two i brought him to alabama with me.

"we are going to that memorial." i told him more so than asked.

"fine."

i was glad to get my way, but all i could think of was how in six days, it would be a year since sam left my apartment, a choice that ultimately led to his death.