Heartbreak Story - Byler

I - Everything I Used to Know, It was Crumbling

November, 1986 -

"So, you're still coming over tonight? Right?" I inquired of the boy standing before me. I noticed Will hadn't been listening to a word I was saying so I tried again, "Hello, earth to Will. Are. You. Still. Coming. Tonight?"

Will's eyes widened with embarrassment, knowing he'd been caught in his own little dream world. I quickly glanced behind me to see what the hell Will had been staring at and felt my heart shatter into a million pieces when I saw that he had been captivated by him, Alexander Rodgers leaning against his locker and talking to some friends. A senior, on the football team, incredibly popular and what hardly anybody knew but I did, Will's secret boyfriend of almost three months. Of course that's what Will was distracted by, I should have known.

"Tonight?" Will questioned with a furrowed brow and I realised he'd entirely forgotten.

"Yes, William. Tonight." I replied, hardly keeping the sound of betrayal out of my voice, "The campaign that we've been planning for about a month now. Come on, we haven't played in months and we can't play without you, we need our Cleric."

A blush began to creep onto Will's little face as he hastily tried to apologise to me but I could tell he wasn't really that bothered. He had other things (people) on his mind. "Sorry, Mike. I totally forgot about it. I've been busy, you know." The he hushed his voice into a whisper so I had to lean in to hear what he was saying. "It's mine and Alex's three month anniversary tomorrow and he said he wants to make tonight special. He's taking me out but he won't tell me where. Apparently it's some big surprise." Will began to giggle and I could see the spark of excitement in those eyes I could never get enough of. The spark brightened his whole face and it was so obvious to me that Will was madly in love with this boy. Never had I felt pain like it before.

I knew I had lost any chance I had of being with Will when he told me he was gay about a year ago, he even told me he used to have a bit of a crush on me. Hearing him say his feelings were past tense felt as though someone was stabbing me with burning hot razors so, once again, I never told him how I felt. I considered it again and again over the next few months, everyday I woke up thinking today's the day and every night I slipped off to sleep regretting being such a baby and not doing it. Just my luck, the day I finally had the courage to tell him was the very same day he told me him and Alex had started seeing each other and I felt my stomach drop to the floor. I'd lost him for good.

The bell rang to signal the start of next period and Will hurriedly said bye to me as he grabbed his things out of his locker and headed to English. As he walked past his boyfriend, I saw Alex give him a little wink and Will almost tripped over his own feet he got so flustered. The two would never speak to each other in school, Will was still in the closet and so was Alex. There were rumours about Will which he paid no attention to but no one suspected a thing from Alex. He was so deeply hidden in the closet that there were times I even questioned whether he truly was gay. I only got bad vibes from Alex, as if he was lying to my Will. I'd spent time with the two of them as Will liked to invite him over when the party hung out because they could be themselves in front of us, never knowing how much it hurt me. Even in those private moments, Alex never looked at Will the way Will looked at Alex, nor did he do anything to be close to him and touch him the way Will always did. Will was so blinded by love that he couldn't see that even when they had the opportunity to be all over each other, Alex never showed him the affection or love that a boyfriend should. Then again, this could all just be my jealousy talking and my distaste for Alex is likely purely because he gets to hold the one thing I need in this life every single day whilst I watch on from the sidelines. Me wanting to pretend their love isn't real because to accept it would kill me.

In the past almost two years since I came to the realisation that I was in love with my best friend, nothing had gotten any easier. What I felt for him only got stronger but I grew to accept it more and more as it was such a huge part of me, the biggest aspect of my life.

That December night he came to my house to console me, I wanted to tell him how I felt but I panicked. I didn't know Will was gay at that point so all I could think about was what if he hated me for it? What if he thought I was disgusting and never wanted to see me again? The idea that I could lose the person I loved most in the world forever was too much to bear so I decided against telling him. I just told him that I was over El and needed help breaking up with her. I was surprised at how well she took it and even more surprised when she said she knew why. So, to this day, the only person who I've spoken to about how I feel for Will is Eleven and she wants nothing more than for us to be together. She's not the only one.

"Dude, why the fuck are you still here?" Dustin asked as he strutted over to me. "Aren't we supposed to be in Chem.? Lesson started, like, five minutes ago and it's not like you to skip. Me, I'm always late but not you. We should get going, Miss McConnell will be wondering where you are." He threw an arm round me and practically dragged me towards the Science block.

I hadn't even realised I'd just been standing in the halls by myself, my feet frozen to the ground for the past few minutes. I felt as though my whole world was shattering around me. I lost any chance of Will being my boyfriend a long time ago but now I was losing him as a friend too and that's something that, from the first day of Kindergarten, I never thought was possible.

My eyes flooded with tears as I looked up from the grimy ground, at Dustin. "Will's not coming tonight." Was all I could say. Dustin just patted my shoulder and gave what seemed to be a sad but knowing look as we wandered into the classroom together. As if he knew why I was so torn apart.

*

To let you know, there's not going to be any coherence to how long my chapters will be or anything. They'll just end when they need to end meaning some will be significantly longer and some will be significantly shorter than others. I felt like this was a good place to end our dear, old Chapter 1.
Also, also, also, I am a novice when it comes to US schools and stuff because I'm English so if I say something wrong, please correct me and I can edit it. I want this to be as accurate as possible.
And if y'all would be kind enough to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes I might make, I'd be grateful. There will be some that will be intentional eg: "colour" or "favourite" with the extra Us because that's the British spelling so I'll be leaving stuff like that but in general, anything else I would like to be able to fix.
Anyway, what have we learned from Chapter 1? Mike is still crazy about Will. Will was once crazy about Mike but neither of them ever spoke about their goddamn feelings and therefore nothing happened. Young William is now in a relationship with somebody else and yep, hate to break all hearts the way Will broke Mike's, but William is 110% head-over-heels in love with Alex.
So, thoughts on Alex? Does he love Will the way Will loves him? Does Will still have feelings for Mike? Hmm, guess we'll find out.
This AN was hella long so my apologies, I'll go.
- Niamh.