Heartbreak Story - Byler

XXV - Doesn't Have to Be a Heartbreak Story Pt. 2

The four of us remained frozen on the spot, no one saying a word and no one making any form of movements for a period that stretched on and on and my anxiety levels skyrocketed.

My thoughts were swirling around my head, giving me an intense migraine and all of them were of Will. My mind was screaming, wondering what he was thinking and if he could possibly be okay. Though I knew I was embarrassed, nothing I was feeling mattered to me, all I wanted to know was how would Will be handling our current situation as he was already fragile. He's no doubt the strongest person I've ever met though still brittle and it's the truth that even some of the toughest of things are snappable if too much pressure is applied.

Whipping my head to the side, I caught a glimpse of him standing now a considerable distance away from me and those wonderful eyes had turned cold once more. My heart ached as I observed the pain etched into his face and I only became aware that I was unintentionally reaching my arm out in his direction to console him when he deliberately squirmed out of my grasp.

I dropped my hand and turned my head back to face the intruders in front of me and my sister gave me a smile so full of pity I might have actually felt sorry for myself if all of my capacity to care hadn't been taken up by Will. Jonathan's face had gone pale and when he was the one to finally break the silence, his voice was much higher than what I was used to from him and it sounded like it had come from someone else entirely. "Well, I guess that means it's my turn to choose some songs." He said, his voice shaking and unsure as he pretended to ignore everything he had witnessed and walked towards the record player.

Within a few seconds of the elder Byers boy fumbling over the music, the intensely awkward and uncomfortable atmosphere had slackened as Nancy and I struck up an unrelated conversation to what had happened as we all tried to pretend there was no elephant in the room. It didn't take long for the whole group of us to be laughing over whatever meaningless things we were talking about but I couldn't help but notice how Will's laughter wasn't his usual bright giggles, it seemed superficial and lifeless.

I proceeded to finish the breakfast made for me by Jonathan so he'd stop complaining and I watched with sadness as Will threw his uneaten food away. I wanted nothing more than to put my arms around him and remind him that we hadn't done anything wrong or to be ashamed of the way I could tell he was. The more I observed him over the course of the morning, the more I had begun to read him and see through the bravado he was outwardly showing and I knew he had been badly affected. I wished our siblings would leave us alone so I could talk to him privately but that wasn't what was to occur, much to my annoyance.

The boy I'd held close less than thirty minutes previously and I didn't even interact so I spent the time watching Jonathan and Nancy and wondered what it would be like to have a love like theirs. Every glance and every touch was delicate and filled with compassion and adoration, as though they never wanted to look away or break contact. Will's brother would find any reason to peck Nancy on the cheek causing her to giggle like a little girl, so full of innocence and joy that you would struggle to find a sweeter sound anywhere. Their love was pure and so unproblematic. They were allowed to love and no one is this world would ever tell them that they couldn't be together so they were carefree and could lose themselves in one another without having to glance over their shoulder to see who was watching. I wondered if they had any idea just how lucky they were.

The next time Will spoke to me privately was after his own final song choice was being played. The song that would forever be his favourite: 'Should I Stay or Should I Go'. "I didn't know you had this one." The boy said to me, a faint spark of emotion flickering unsurely within his words that I prayed to god wouldn't burn out as something inside of me told me it would never reignite if it ever was extinguished. "I never knew you bought this song."