Heartbreak Story - Byler

XVII - All the Trust is Broken Now

Trigger Warnings: More talk of previous self-harm.

Will froze in shock at my words, he clearly hadn't expected me to see the damage he'd inflicted upon himself but my eyes had fallen upon it nonetheless.

"You hurt yourself again, didn't you?" I asked, my voice breaking as devastation took its firm hold, clamping down on my throat.

Will slowly nodded his head before squeezing his eyes tightly shut and gentle tears began to wade down his face, breaking my heart as they did so. "I had to, I needed to."

"Why did you need to, Byers?" I wondered, wishing more than anything that I could reach out and take hold of his hands but I knew that my touch was the last thing he needed right now, even if his touch was all I could ever need in an endless number of lifetimes.

"I wanted it to be over. All the pain, the feelings of worthlessness, barely knowing who in my life I could trust! W-wanting you."

My mind completely wiped of any thoughts or knowledge and I swear if someone would have asked in that moment what my name was, I probably couldn't have told them. I knew nothing of my own life anymore because none of it mattered - Will said he wanted me, that's all that I needed to know.

But Will also said he wanted that to be over.

"You're not worthless, Will. I have said it a thousand times and I'll say it again. You mean the world to so many people and I wish you could see that. Your dad was an asshole who got in your head and made you think there was something wrong with you when that was never the case; all the people in this fucking school who say things about you are all idiots who refuse to open their mind to something they're not used to and refuse to acknowledge that love comes in many forms and none of it could ever be wrong so, yeah, they're all assholes too and Alex, he's the worst, the king of the fucking ass-" I forced myself to stop mid-ramble as I remembered the conversation with Will from a few weeks back when he told me never to call Alex an asshole. My eyes widened as they met his and panic set in within me, he was finally talking to me and I was convinced I'd just blown it. How could I have been so stupid?

Yet Will stared right back, unfazed by what I had said and replied, "You're right, he's the worst of the assholes and I can't believe I ever fell for him. I was blind to who he really was for a long time but that's over now."

"It's over? You don't feel the same way about him?" I enquired, hardly daring to believe it and my heart began to beat faster in anticipation of his next words.

"Nope. I haven't felt the same for him for some time. I told you at the party, Rick helped me get over him by letting me talk out my feelings and just listening to me. He'd even tell me all the things Alex has done in his past and he did some pretty bad stuff. He isn't the guy I fell for and never has been. That guy never really existed and I don't love who the real Alex turned out to be. It took a while but I learned who he was and got over him."

"I'm glad you have him. Rick I mean, he seems like a good guy."

"He is. I haven't seen much of him lately but he's a good friend to have around."

"People always say that you don't get over you first love and if he managed to help you do that, then I'm impressed. I'm really glad you had him to turn to when I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Will looked as if he was about to say something but paused, closing his mouth for a split-second with a pensive look playing on his facial features before continuing, "Alex wasn't my first love, Mike."

"No?" I asked, feeling my breath hitch and it became too heavy to release from my body as my throat had tightened around it once more, blocking it and preventing its daring escape.