Heartbreak Story - Byler

XIV - Staring Out the Window

Tears were falling uncontrollably from my eyes and I was sobbing loudly as I rode in the passenger seat of Jonathan's beat-up, old car, gazing out at the hopeless world through the window. I didn't care that he could see. I was too devastated to give a damn about what Jonathan thought about what Will and I had done.

To begin with, the journey was wordless for which I was grateful as I didn't think I could face talking to Will's older bother about the events that had occurred the night before but, after a few blissfully silent minutes, Jonathan opened his mouth.

"He'll come around." Jonathan said to me, his voice sounding slightly awkward but sure nonetheless.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, curiosity overcoming my desperate quest for silence.

"Will, he'll come around. Deep down, he knows that you do love him but Alex's voice is still screaming in his head that you don't. He feels guilty for allowing himself to be happy with you even for a moment and he's blaming you rather than letting himself believe that love isn't a bad thing."

I sighed, Jonathan didn't understand. "Whatever the hell it was that he felt for me before is long gone, he fucking hates me now, for sure. There was a voice telling me to just leave last night but I fought it because I told myself that he did want me and was ready to move on with me but I was so wrong. I let myself believe for a moment that maybe everything would work out."

"Listen, Mike." Jonathan said, his eyes flicking to me and giving me a stern look for a moment before settling back on the long road ahead. "I know Will better than anyone and he is in love with you whether you believe me or not. I could always see it in the way his eyes would light up every time you walked into the house, how his hands would shake ever so slightly when you came close to him and the way he'd never take his eyes off you even when you were doing the most mundane of tasks. It's been this way for as long as I've known you and he has never been like this around anyone else. Just something about you has always made him nervous and he's afraid to love you. He just needs time which is why I never pushed him to own up to his feelings."

I pondered over Jonathan's words but I struggled to truly accept them. "He loves Alex, not me."

Jonathan rapidly shook his head, completely dismissing what I'd said. "He fell for Alex and he did love him, sure but I always knew it wasn't the way he loved you. I think Alex was only ever a distraction from you."

"Yeah?" I whispered, begging what Jonathan had said to be the truth but sincerely doubting it. Jonathan nodded in response and silence filled the car once more so I was left to my thoughts which only became darker. Even if Will did have feelings for me, Jonathan had just told me Will was too afraid to be with me and I'd never get to hold him in my arms and whisper in his ear all the reasons why I was the luckiest guy on the planet to be his boyfriend the way I'd dreamed for so long. And that was the best case scenario, the worst being that Will honestly hadn't felt anything more for me than a friend and now hated me because he thought I'd taken advantage of him.

By god, I hated myself for ever going through with something that had only led to devastation on Will's part. My whole life, I'd been the one to patch Will back up when he was damaged and now there I was, I'd hurt him beyond levels I thought I was ever capable of. I wished I'd never gone to that stupid party, it had just ruined everything. Every action I had taken from the moment I told Will I loved him had made everything harder for the boy I loved and I was furious at myself for it.

Jonathan pulled up outside my house and I was almost at my front door when I realised he wasn't behind me but was still in his car. I turned to him and he rolled his window down as he saw me glance in his direction. "You not coming in?" I asked, confused. "Nance will want to see you."

"No, I think Nancy and I both need to be with our brothers right now. I'll see ya later, Mike." He said as he started up the engine and drove away.

Silently shutting the door behind me, I hoped to slip away to my bedroom without being noticed but I should have known by now that I'm never that lucky. Nancy found me almost as soon as I'd stepped inside and smirked at me as she took in my current state. "You had fun with Kelly then, I see." She chuckled as her eyes lingered on the fresh bruises decorating my skin.

"I didn't stay at Kelly's." I mumbled trying to push past my sister who grabbed my shoulders, holding me still. She wasn't going to let me off that easily.

"What? Where the hell were you then?"

"Will's."

"Will's?" She queried, her voice became a hushed whisper as her eyes widened and her mouth hung open, mirroring my own expression from earlier. I silently nodded in response. "Well," she paused, unsure of what to say to me. "I'm happy for you, I know how long you've loved him. This is such good news!" My sister began to beam at me as she affectionately patted my shoulder.

"It's not, Nance. He wasn't ready and we went too far. I've completely fucked with his healing process."

"What do you mean? How?" She raised her eyebrows at me.

I sighed and grabbed her hand, leading her to our vacant living room where I subsequently told her everything that Will had said to me and accused me of that morning. It didn't take long for my tears to begin to fall and dampen Nancy's shirt as I lay my head on her shoulder and she put her arms around me.

"And Jonathan said Will will come around and forgive me but I'm not so sure. I don't know how he could forgive me, I did something very bad. I hurt him." I finished.

"I think you should listen to Jonathan, if anyone is going to understand what's going on in Will's head it's Jonathan. They spend practically every second of the day together and have done their whole lives. They know what each other are thinking and they understand each other to an extent nobody else will."

"I guess." I grumbled, looking down at the floor. Nancy removed one of her arms from around my shoulders so she could grip my hand and she squeezed it to give me some comfort.

"I know we're not like that. They're closer than we've ever been and we can't change our past but I'd like to be able to change our future, Mike. You mean a lot to me, you're my baby brother and I want to be able to protect you and look out for you. Would that be okay?" Nancy begged of me, a fierce look in her eyes.

"I'd like that." I whispered back, snuggling further into my sister's shoulder like a child.

"Good." I could hear the smile in her voice. "And Holly too. She's still so young and we can give her the relationship that Will and Jonathan have had since they were tiny." As if on cue, Holly wandered into the living room and leapt up onto the other side of me on the couch where she proceeded to cuddle me.

"T's the matter, Mike? You okay?" She asked, her high-pitched, childlike voice warming my heart as I reached out my left arm to embrace her back.

"Yeah, Holl. I'm okay." I responded. "Just had a bit of a bad day but I'm fine."

"What happened?" She asked, gazing up at me with her big eyes.

"Nothing for you to worry yourself about, little one." I stated as I ruffled her hair. Holly giggled at me and despite myself, I felt a slight smile turn up the corners of my mouth. I could now see a future where the Wheeler siblings were a solid group who looked out for each other and supported each other. It gave me peace to think that my two sisters would help me through this and together, as a real family, we could hopefully make living in this house bearable for each other.

Leaning back down onto Nancy and once again resting my head on her shoulder, I closed my eyes as the emotional exhaustion of the morning finally hit me. As one, all three of us drifted off to sleep, never letting go of each other.

*

Awww, cute Wheeler siblings.
This chapter wasn't really supposed to exist. I made a rough plan of every single chapter about a month ago and this chapter wasn't included at all but it felt right to add in some support for Mike. I love supportive siblings.
We'll be getting some more of that next chapter, but it won't be the Wheelers.
Late edition to the note: 'Kay, I'm posting this now and because it's short and not all that much happens, you can be expecting another chapter very soon.
- Niamh.