Book I: Burnt Bliss [BoyxBoy]

Chapter 34: Fight or Flight

Part IV: Autumn

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." ~ Anais Nin

September

Saturday, 1 September 1666

Quarter-to-6 in the Morning

I am over-joyed to have you back! I was so scared I'd never have this ever again.

Lily was amazing with what she did for Augustus and I! She's braver than I could ever imagine. And Sarah was willing to break lawes to save us too! She and I might not have ended up to-gether, but in her I have found a true friend, and that is rare.

But on-to the future: I have been up since 4:30 A.M. in order to get everything ready. This is my last entry til I leave and it shall be short. I have so much anxiety twisting in me now, pangs of guilt seem to overflow. In many ways, I don't want to leave my home; I've been here since I was Mary's age, giving me memories which were mainly happy until my forced adulthood began. But now I know I can't stay here. I wasn't always going to stay here anyway. Don't know if They--which is how he now referred to his parents--want me here or not, but I don't care. Besides, I can't stay or I'll be miserable. By now Augustus must be an out-law anyway. Even then, if I were in love with Sarah or what-ever They wanted, I'd have my own home and a tedious job within the next yeare or two any-way so I doubt I'll miss much. I just hate going on such sour terms. But I can't cling to the past.

My future is with Augustus. In fact, he IS my future. I don't know where or how that'll be. But I know that it begins now, and I know why: very simply, be-cause we love each other. We are in love and I vehemently re-fuse to let anyone stop it! I'm done trying to be anyone other than myself! Not being yourself is a waste. I shan't do so ever again.

He blinked away tears as he wrote: This is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I shall leave my old life behind for him. I will miss my sisters, but when we're safe, I'll keep word covertly, tho I can't know now how many wekes or months I'd have to wait until it is safe. But when I do, Lily can read them to Elizabeth, which comforts me. They will hopefully not care whether or not I contact her.

If They were as awfull to betray as they did, they don't deserve our love or time. To sound snobbish, we are too good for them. They think we're wrong, but they're wrong, since they're so quick to mis-treat what they deem improper, especially in their own children.

I cannot imagine how Uncle Deus is related to Father at all. What a wretched git. He is a mis-oganyste, but my mother is simply batty. She's mad. I have as much use for them as they do me: money and objects. I intend to take all I can carry. I'll take them for every-thing they're worth, since that seems to be their style.

First thing I did was ransack the house for money.

He smiled devilishly.

I found the entire dowry from Sarah's parents! Perhaps I shouldn't write of this; but I have simply stopped caring.

I shall bring every pence I have to my name; and have already taken all the loose money I found, save anything which was clearly marked for Lily or Elizabeth, (which some is.) Other than that, every coin and Note I saw, I took as my own!

I shall put enough clothing together for now; and a few saved trinkets and books.

Oddly, I'm showering the girls with gifts, but stealing all I can from my parents.

All I want is Augustus. I don't care if we live on a remote island, or with Uncle Deus somewhere, or thousands of miles from this town. As long as we avoid the Plague and the public, we'll be fine. I don't need London, either side of the coin; with snobbery on one and suffering on the other. We have no use for the City. I do not know where exactly my Uncle plans to go, but as he has invited us (months ago, as it turns out,) we shall start on the route he has laid out thus far.