ENTRIES ▹ misc.

•embarassment•

so today in band i was reading, and this girl came up to me and said "oh my goodness i love that book" and she seemed super nervous to tell me, and for some reason i was really nervous too and i said "thank you."
now immediately the two guys next to me burst out in laughter when they realised what i said because who on earth replies with "thank you" when someone tells them they enjoy a book you're reading?  like i didn't write the book?? "thank you" is not the correct the correct response and the guys next to me pointed that out multiple times. so of course i used laughter to hide my embarrassment and the girl was walking away at this point but she turned back to look at me and i really really really hope she didn't think i was laughing at her.
because i really like her, she's so nice.
like she comes up to me a lot and tells me my hair looks nice or she likes my outfit and she always blushes and then i'll blush too and i don't even know what's going on anymore.
so i've tried to compliment her more too but i get really flustered around her and i have no idea why?
all i know is i have a huge platonic crush on her.......
and we used to be best friends when we were younger but then we went to separate elementary schools so i only got to see her like once or twice a year. then in sixth grade we became friends again but now we've kind of drifted apart idk why i'm confused with my life.
anyway the guy that sits next to me in band (i'm going to call him trumpet even though you probably all know who i'm talking about) has been acting kind of weird. like everyone ships him with me and i absolutely despise it but now i think he thinks i like him which i moSt defInItLeY Do nOT. but he keeps offering me his jacket and like stroking my arm randomly? and in my opinion it sweet of him but it's not okay to just touch someone like that without their approval. and he always just looks at me and stares and it's really weird. like i really like being friends with him but i definitely do not want to be more than that.
and a lot of people think we're dating and i just
i can't
i don't like him like thattttt.
so i've been trying to ignore him and push him away and i feel really bad because it's not his fault but i just cannot handle all the "omg you're so in love" or "you guys are perfect for each other" comments from people anymore.
(sorry for ranting about this so much you guys probably don't even care lol)
so today in math, i was talking about him to my friend and she shouted "ohhhh madie's got problems with her boyfriend" or something along those lines and everyone heard and my teacher turned to look at me and it was just so embarrassing.
like no
no no no no no no no
people in band do that all the time too and i don't know why it annoys me so much it just does.
unless they're a celebrity or fictional character- i am not attracted to guys in that way.
so
yeah
no more trumpet x madeleine please lol
on a not-so-much lighter note, i have my algebra eoc in two weeks and i'm freaking out because i am not ready.
honestly i already forgot how to do the unit we just finished, so there is no way  i'm going to be able to remember all the way back to august.
and i've just been really out of it lately.
i can't seem to focus on anything and i feel like i'm in a constant state of daydreaming or something. i know that sounds weird but like i always mess up my part in band and my teacher yelled at me for it today in front of everyone and i've cried so much in that class and i've been having anxiety attacks a lot more frequently lately and now i'm ranting again i'm sorry i just don't know what's wrong with me.
school is just so stressful and i know it's going to be even worse next year and i just want it all to end.
so yeah.
i hope you all had a better day than me :)
<3 <3
sleep well !