All of the Stars

Part 18: Outset

"Do I call you Ben now?" You mumble, running your hands through Kylo's hair, watching how the light plays with the strands. The various colours of the strands blending together.

After meeting with Leia you and Kylo had walked back to your room. Deep in thought, neither of you had spoken. Your mind was spinning but you knew that he would be feeling the same.

"Ben died so long ago... I don't know if I deserve to bring him back." Kylo strokes his hand up and down your leg, his head resting on your lap.

"I thought..." Kylo closes his eyes. "I thought if I told myself I was free of the light. I did so many things." Kylo takes a deep breath through his nose, his body shuddering. "I just couldn't" He whispers.

"You can't hide the light. Even if you lock it away, it'll shine, just with nobody to watch." You press your lips to his head. "It's a beautiful thing." You whisper back, feeling your chest tighten with tears you suppress.

"I ruined something you long for, Y/N." He opens his eyes and reaches his hand up to your cheek, moving your hair aside. "My father... I destroyed my family..." He rubs his thumb over your lips.

"When this is over, this war, Snoke, Hux, all of it. We will find them." You feel a tear spill over, falling onto your cheek, where Kylo wipes it away, reaching up to plant a light kiss on your jaw.

You feel the heaviness of your heart, sharing in despair with Kylo.

"I remember snow, Kylo." You tell him about your secret, the way you can remember the way snow swirled and danced, how it fell so slowly before settling on the ground, creating a thick carpet. The silence left in its wake. Not knowing if that was part of the memory you had forgotten, the sound, or what it was really like to stand in the drifts.

"We will go to the snow Y/N, and we will find them. Together." He sits up and pulls you into his chest, the sound of his heartbeat becoming more important than anything else in the world as you felt the warmth that enveloped you. The heartbeat feeling quieter and quieter as you fall into the waiting arms of sleep.

"Guys?" A soft voice wakes you, the room is in darkness.

"Y/N? Kylo?" The voice calls out your name, you shake off sleep and open your eyes. Feeling Kylo's chest against your hands, his legs tangled with yours on top of the covers, you lift your head, peaking over Kylo's shoulder.

"Y/N?" The voice moves forwards into the room.

"Ah, crap!" The sound of something hitting the floor makes you sit up, gently moving Kylo's arm off you.

"Ara? Is that you?" You recognise the voice as your mind clears.

"Yes! I'm sorry to... Interrupt..." The shape becomes clearer as your eyes adjust.

"No problem..." You reply, yawning.

"Poe and Finn would like to leave immediately." Ara's vague body shape gestures towards Kylo. "I guess you guys have to get ready..."

"Thanks, Ara." You stretch and brush your hand through your hair.

"Awesome, meet you guys in the hangar." Ara gives two thumbs up and leaves, pushing the light switch as she leaves, smiling behind her shoulder before shutting the door.

You turn to Kylo, watching his sleeping form for a couple of seconds before leaning down and kissing his cheek.

"Time to wake up," You whisper to Kylo, smiling as he opens his eyes slowly.

"Morning." He mumbles you smile at his deep voice. You move your hand to his shoulder and push gently.

"We have to go." You smile, as Kylo burrows deeper into the covers.