Kiss Me Tenderly

Chapter 34- Oh the confusion!

I sighed as I stared at the sleeping curly headed 18 year old guy next to me and rolled over on my back. I stared up at  the black ceiling, trying to make sense of what was happening. I looked back over at him studied everything. The way his mouth was slightly open and how his hair barely covered his eyes. The way his whole face was relaxed which made him look peaceful and how his snoring was so soft you could barely hear it. None of these things make him seem like the guy that cheated on me or the guy that everyone makes him out to be. These things remind of the the Shane I know, the one who was my best friend, the one I fell in love with...I think.

I mean who knows. Maybe I wasn't even in love with him. Maybe it was just lust and maybe I just thought it was love. I don't know what it was...everything happened so fast and it was like I never had anytime to think about what I was feeling before I jumped into everything. Now Lyric is involved and he is amazing but I just don't want to end up hurting him. Everything is so messed up and I need to find a way to fix it.

I sat up, covering my face as everything rushed around in my head. "What are you doing, Ella?!" I said quietly to myself. "You aren't this person. You don't string guys along...well I guess you do now but you got to stop. You are only going to hurt people." I added throwing my legs over the side of the bed and putting my head in my hands.

There was a soft knock on the door and I peaked through my fingers once I heard it creek open.  Joel slowly walked in and smiled once he saw me sitting on the bed.

"Hey." He whispered. I gave a small head nod before looking over at Shane to make sure he was still asleep. "How is he?" He asked closing the door.

I shrugged and looked over at him. "He is sad and blaming himself for things that are not his fault but that how it is every year. So basically he is pretty normal." I sighed and stood from the bed, stretching along the way.

"Did you guys talk?"

"Yeah, but not about the things you want us to talk about." I told him and he rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry but I'm just not ready to forgive."

"Why not? Ella I understand what he did was fucked up and stupid but you should see him most of the time. He never wants to leave his room or eat sometimes. I had force him to go to prom and the only reason he went was because I told him you were going to be there." He stated making a smile tug at my lips but I kept a straight face. "He beats himself up everyday for what he did and do you know how many times he has flipped shit on Kayla for coming over here to see him? He almost hit her because she called you a bitch. He loves you Ella with all his heart and I'm pretty sure he would do anything to have you back in his life. He needs you and it's pretty clear you need him just as much."

I let out a sigh. "I...just...I can't Joel. It is already bad enough I am here while I'm talking to Lyric. I can't be like the last girl he was with. I have to change and move on but I can't do that if my mind is always on Shane."

"Why do you think your mind is always on him Ella?! You are in love with him. I can see it, Rain can see it, Jared can see it, and I bet even Lyric can. You have to open your eyes and realize what you are doing. You don't want to hurt Lyric and I know that but if you keep going on this with your heart on Shane that is exactly what is going to happen. I'm sorry to say this but Lyric is a rebound. He came in at a rough time and swept you off your feet but sooner or later the rebound shit is going to run off and you are going to be stuck with a guy you were forced to fall in love with because of heart break." He claimed raising his voice at bit.

"Shh. He is a sleep and I can't deal with him and you at the same time." I whispered pushing my hair out of my face.

"Maybe he should wake up. Then you could finally talk about the things you need to. Why can everyone else see that you need him except you? You guys are best friends and are suppose to be together. Just tal-"