Kiss Me Tenderly

Chapter 37- The funny thing is I love you.

I walked into the kitchen, yawning as I stretched out. I walked over to the white board on the fridge to see if mom left a note, which she did. I smiled at the little note and yanked open the fridge door.

"Have a good  day today and try to have some fun. You need with all the practicing you have been doing. Love you." I quoted the note and pulled out the milk. "Well what do you think I should do today Mr. Milk?" I asked the jug as if it was actually going to talk. I stared at for it for a moment and smiled sitting it down on the counter. "I think seeing Lyric today is a fantastic idea!" I agreed and proceed to make some pancakes.

It has been about a week since the wedding and when I forgave Shane. He has non stop doing everything in his power to gain my trust back and I find it quite adorable. I try to tell him he doesn't need to worry about because him starting over as my friend is enough but he refuses to leave it at that. Lyric and I haven't talked still and I think its time for me and Mr. Stone to have a heart to heart about where we are going.

No I still haven't made up my mind yet and yes I hate myself too, but we need to talk this over. Us ignoring each other isn't going to fix anything and besides I miss the shit out of him. Our talk is probably not going so smooth but at least we will talk. I also need a huge break from all the dancing I've been doing to improve myself.

I still haven't gotten a letter from the collage but I'm staying positive which is what I have to do to keep from freaking out. It is all I have to hold me together now. With everything going on right now I need to be positive.

And I know what a lot of people would say if they weren't my friend and my life was some kind of book on some website. They would probably say 'oh you are such a slut' or 'get it together, Ella!' or ya know the old fashion 'Ugh why don't you just get hit by a train!' Something like that. Some may hate me some might not. Some may so called 'ship'; which is a word I learned from tumblr, me with one boy and some might ship me with the other one. Then you might have those one readers who ships me with someone that is just a really good friend, like Rain or someone. And I know a lot of them are shouting at the author in the comments like 'What the actual fuck man!?' and the author would just sit back and laugh because she or he is the only one who knows what next is going to happen is the messed up book called my life.

But ya know? My life isn't some book and if it was I would have a whole lot to say to the author. And maybe if it was I would be able to get advice from the readers but I can't. I'm stuck to make my own decisions on my own with no help what so ever. Most people would be like 'Oh boo hoo! Your life is soo hard!" with the sarcasm laced in their tone but you know what? My life is fucking hard. I know I don't make it easier with my choices but my life is pretty damn difficult and I both love and hate it.

Wow! Look at me! Going on and on and on about this. See if my life was a book people would probably get bored at this point. Just me stringing on guy by guy by guy. Always being the slut I try to make myself not to be. The slut Kayla talked about and picked on. Now here I am! About to see a guy who has been caught in this whole mess because I can't stop myself from stringing guys along.

Well, I know for a damn sure I would not even think about clicking on the book if it was about me. I would hate myself from the start. I would understand if other people would too.

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I pulled up in the Starbucks parking lot and had the same flash back of Rachel like the last time I was here. I snapped out of the trance, wiped my eyes of the fallen tears, and made my way out of the jeep. I tugged at my skirt, trying to make it look not as short, feeling uncomfortable by everyone staring at me as walked up to the door.