Is This Even Real? (GXG)

Echos

  "Well shit..." I said looking at my AP Exam review for AP U.S. History. Sure I had a 99 in the class and would probably get a 4 or 5 on the exam but shit did we really have to know all this? I swear Ms. Kelly was over exagerating but after talking to a senior who took her class I found out it was no joke. "Good thing I have photographic memory." I muttered lowly to myself as I walked out of the class and stright into Sophie. I was to pre-occupied with looking over the 4 page outline of what we should know for the AP exam, that I hadn't noticed her standing there. She simply giggled and helped me pick up my books and papers that scatered over the hall floor. "Whisper what have I told you about sleep walking?" She said picking up my history book which was barely a year old but looked ancient seeing as how much I read it. Seriously there are more notes in that book than in Einstein's library. Exageration? Yes, but you get the point.
Lazily rolling my eyes with a faint grin I pushed her playfully. As we walked back to my room we talked about soeftball and how the state tournament was already just two weeks away. This season seemed to go by so fast, despite our 36 games. If we didn't go to my room we went to Sophie's. We typically went to hers when I was having a bad day so I wouldn't have the memory plastered in my face the moment I walked into room 530. Today I felt different. I felt as if there was hope I guess. Maybe Sophie was finally getting it through my thick skull that it would be okay.
The moment we walked in the door the faint smile that had slowly curled up on my lips fadded as I saw her. She was straddling Genny, the goal keeper for the soccer team, just as she had the day of the first game. Her lips slightly open in a moan as Genny's lipstick plastered lips were latched to her throat. I felt my heart drop like a rock, my lungs cave in and wither, and my eyes begin to water so quickly that the Hoover Dam may as well have been my eyes. Sophie put a hand on my shoulder but I tore away. I turned quickly on my heel my books falling to the floor as I ran. I ran as fast as I had the first time I saw it. Sophies voice echoed in the back of my mind calling for me but it was distant. It was just an echo, nothing more.
I soon found myself falling to my knees in an oh-so familliar place in the woods. The autumn leaves were still decaying; but somehow even as dull and water wash brown blew in a sudden gust of wind I saw a beauty in them. I hunkered down against the tree that I always did pulling my flannel close as the cool air nipped my skin. Sure it was mid-spring but in the afternoons things could still get a bit chilly. I took in a slow shaky breath as the tears feel freely now. The run had gotten rid of some of my frustration but hardly a fraction.
I've been depressed and hurt before. I mean my homelife is enough for that. My parents are the most homophobic people you'd ever meet and my brother is a selfish asshole who used me as a fuck toy. I have my fair share of scars and suicidal thoughts. But never have I ever felt so betrayed, so alone, so faded. Even when I was with Scarletta I cut but after a month I stopped. Even though the scars on my back will never fade from my longest fall; and to this day they hurt when touched, the ones on my arms, legs, and stomach will and have already. But new ones are there, the old have been brought anew. However cutting doesn't help anymore. Hurting myself doesn't even phase me. It is almost enjoyable. As morbid as that sounds, it is true. But when the scars on my back get touched it is like all of the pain in the world hits me with one blow. Why did I have to fall? Why did I have to be different. If I was straight I would have a good home life. If I was straight I'd still be in heaven.
As the tears blurred my vision I began to scream out. My voice and curses aimed at the sky as I bashed the creator for my damnation. "WHY?! Why did it have to be me?" Suddenly my words turned to that of the old anchient language of the angels, enochian. I begged and pleaded for God to strike me down and forgive me but he remained silent. I began to hit myself and smash my head back against the tall oak tree but suddenly someone was pulling me away and into their arms. I recognized the blue berry and honey scented hair almost instantly. Sophie had found me. She cradled me in her arms until I finally could cry no more.
I fell asleep in her arms and she let me sleep for a time, but she woke me when the sun was sinking behind the neighboring mountain. I looked up at her and she smiled down at me. "Everything will be okay, Whisper." She said softly to me. Her voice echoed in my mind as we walked back taking our time to enjoy the bright and dark green lush and flowers that the spring had brought with the brown leaves dancing around our feet moving asside for the thin soft blades of grass to sprout out and up from the ground.