Beat Of My Heart

Verse Fourteen

"You bitch!  I thought we agreed to keep her out of it!" I heard as I walked through the doors of my house. 

I stayed quiet as I creeped through the halls, noticing that my mother was on the phone with my dad and she had the phone on loud so that his voice echoed through the entire house. 

It almost felt like old times again, when dad and mom would be fighting and their voices carried up to my room. 

Of course, back then he'd never dared to call her any of the names he was calling her now.  He had gotten more brazen since she'd filed for divorce first, he thought that even though he cheated she would never leave him. 

He was so, utterly wrong. 

"I didn't have a choice!  I couldn't let her be fooled by you the same way you fooled me all those years!" my mother shouted back and I almost wanted to cheer out loud for her bravery and I would have done so if it didn't mean that I would get caught in the process. 

"Don't you dare bring that into this!  I never fooled you, you just refused to open your damn eyes, you were the fool in our relationship!  To even think for a second that I ever loved you..." 

I heard an audible gasp and realized that it was my mom, his words so sharp and terrible that she never could have imagined them coming out of his mouth. 

I couldn't either.  

My daddy, my father, the man who raised me and loved me unconditionally, was an absolute brute and a monster. 

And now I would see him for what he is, forever. 

"Your daughter can make her own decisions Bruce!  She is almost an adult and if she wants nothing to do with you then that's her choice not mine!"

"You're brainwashing her!  Making her think that I'm the bad guy here when I did nothing wrong to her!"

"No, you did that all on your own when you lied to her and ditched her for your bit of ass on the side!"

Go mom!

My father growled on the other end of the line. 

"Don't bring Sharon into this!"

"Sharon was in this the second you decided to bring her into our marriage. Have fun raising her children, because our daughter is done with you.  I could tell by the look in her eyes.  You betrayed her, she's too hurt now."

She wasn't wrong....

"You don't know anything!"

"Actually, she's right.  And after hearing the way you treat the woman you were married to for twenty two years and the mother of your only child, I want nothing to do with you.  Bruce." I said, the emotions welling up inside of me from a place I couldn't explain. 

I heard him cursing but my mother hung up the phone before I could hear what he was saying. 

"Holly I-I didn't know you were there.  I'm sorry you had to hear that," she said, rushing to me in a comforting hug. 

I didn't really need the hug but I knew that she needed it so I allowed her to burrow herself into my side, her cooper and grey colored hair tickling my nose since I was a lot taller than she was. 

"Mom, I had no idea he could be that harsh.  How long has this been going on?" I asked her, desperate to know the truth. 

"Ever since I filed for divorce a few months ago.  He's been persistent about the fact that he did nothing wrong, that I kept pushing him away and that caused him to cheat so naturally its all my fault," she sobbed into me, and I felt bad about the way that I had thought about her previously, only wanting to get away from her because of all of her college talk. 

I realized then that she must have been focusing all her attention on me and my college choices because she was too wrapped up in emotions and pain to allow herself to sink even deeper into the pain so she focused her time and energy on me. 

"I never want to see him again, mom."

She looked up at me, blue eyes wet with unshed tears. 

"No, you can't say that.  He is still your father and-"

"No.  No man who treats women like that is a father of mine.  I don't care if he is my father, so what if he's my blood?  He's still a human being, and a toxic one at that, so its my decision whether I want to cut him out of my life for good or not."

The thought of never having my dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding made me sick to my stomach, never having our annual dinners and never talking about our favorite sports teams together, watching the super bowl together. 

I held those memories close, because they weren't tainted with the pain of what and who he truly was. 

I would never forget those memories, and I would cherish them because I had been truly happy, but I now knew the truth about who he was, and that knowledge gave me the strength to stand up for myself and to make my own decisions about what I wanted to do with my life. 

"If that's what you want..." she said softly, almost unsure of her words. 

I assured her that was what I truly wanted and she finally conceded. 

We spent the rest of the night together on the couch, watching the movie 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Pretty Woman'. 

I was about to doze off on the couch with my mom when a text message jarred me awake. 

I realized that it was from my old phone and I couldn't read the text so I took my things up to my room and put the new phone together, the old Sim card a waste.  I'd have to ask Josie to give me her number and program my new one in my mom's phone. 

At least my dad wouldn't have my new number. 

When I opened up my new phone I saw I already had a few texts. 

Obviously they were from none other than Sebastian Jennings. 

Hey, it's Sebastian

Holly...

Hello?

It's Mr. Fluffy Pants...

You haven't updated your new phone yet, have you?

That's cool, I'll wait.

If you don't respond soon, I'm sending you an unsolicited dick pic. 

I know how much you girls love those. 

I laughed and shook my head at his antagonizing text messages, thankful that there wasn't a picture message in the thread.  Yet...

I wiped all thoughts of Sebastian's...member...from my brain and went about my business and responded to him dryly, remembering the ache in my chest that I felt when I thought about my parents and their relationship.  And now the non existent relationship I no longer had with my father...

Please, don't.  I beg of you. 

Ah there she is. 

Yes and she isn't feeling so great right now.  She'll talk to you tomorrow.  I responded to him, referring to myself in the third person.

What's wrong?  Are you okay?  You need me to come get you?  

I shook my head, wondering what on earth had gotten into him. 

I'm fine just family drama.  Thanks though, night. 

I didn't want to continue the conversation as the ache in my chest turned into a black hole that was sucking all of my good feelings inside of it. 

I felt tears prick at my eyes and pretty soon they were pouring down my face, uncontrollable in their wave of pain. 

I tried hard, so hard, to reign it all back in, and I tried to think of something, anything to make me forget the pain, or at least dull it. 

Then my phone rang.