Everyone Breaks 2

-25. Give her a Treat.

Pav told me I could choose. He forgot to mention that he was going to come in before Willem & have his way with me. My whole body hurt.

After he left, Willem came in. "So you liked to touch yourself without permission I hear. Well when we're done, you'll think twice before trying that again". It was freakin months ago. Willem was so rough on my already sore body.

I layed there in the dark. Why do I keep crying when they're finished. "Im the cause of my pinishments. Im the cause of my punishments...They love me. They love me. They love me"

I had to remind myself of those things before my emotions broke down farther then they already were. I was shaking as I layed there. Why can't they just give me a blanket, that's all I wanted was a blanket at least.

I couldn't make myself warm. What did I do. What did I do to deserve this. Yes I remember. I was bad. I did things I knew were wrong. That's what they told me.

"Dear God, please keep my girls. Don't let my family worry about me." My mom.. I haven't talked to her in awhile. Why did I think about my family. I started crying harder. I wanted Warren there I didn't like being alone in this darkness. He comforted me for the last 2 few days. I saw some stars twinkling in the sky as my chained arms tried to wrap around my body.

I know from experience that once I start shaking from being cold, there's no stopping it, until I get really warm again. It's happen to me at home in cool Texas weather. So here I am with a sore body laying on the cold wood floor shaking & crying. I tried to remember what else I did wrong. A reason for my pain.

"I-i ran away from them, I touched what's theirs, I talked too much at the Doctors office...I stole a pregnancy test..But they love me, they love me, they love me."

I didn't know what else so do, so I continued to cry talk to God. "I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. I can't be strong anymore. I can't, I just can't"

As I layed there, I started to sing Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace,
how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost, but now I'm found,
was blind but now I see"...

I layed there humming & thinking about Remie & Aiva. I almost never stop thinking about them. I was up all night & Warren never came.

By morning I was exhausted. The door opened & Pavel came in. I was in a type of fetal position still trying to keep warm. The sun was barely coming up. He came in later then usual. I looked up at him from the floor as he came & unchained me.

"Babe you look so cold. I brought you a bagel with jam & cream cheese. I also have some fruit & orange juice for you. Before you eat, let's cuddle a bit on the bed. I don't want you shaking" he took off his short & pants leaving on his boxer briefs.

He helped me up & walked over to the twin bed with me. He layed against the wall & pulled me to lay down. His body heat felt good against my back & legs.

He wrapped his arms around me & nuzzled my neck. "You're my sweet girl aren't you Zo... How was your night babe" he asked still holding me close

"Freakin terrific" I replied not really thinking just focusing on being warm. How could he not know how it was. What did he want me to say.

"I'm sorry Pav. I'm just really tired. It was cold last night. It's cold every night."

"It's ok babe, just watch your sarcasm ok.  & a little cold makes you appreciative"

Why was he being so almost nice "Yes sir. I'm sorry" I replied.

He was rubbing my legs & arms getting me warm. It felt good to be warmer. "Is that better babe. How are you feeling after your punishment last night."