Everyone Breaks 2

-27. Sit back & Stress out.

(From a play I like. Song isnt for everyone ^^^)
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I looked at my new music player. He pretty much said I can use my iPod during the day for up to 2 hours. No night usage or usage when they want to be with me. He said for now he'd hold on to it for safe keeping, since my robe didn't have pockets.

I feel more like a dam child with them then I want to. I get no choices. They rule over me & I'm not going to fight against my new rules. I miss my independence.

It's September & he has me worried about December. About meeting his probably horrible father that raised him to use tough love on me & abuse on other women. I guess I still need time to get use to it all.

I'll get use to the bruises & fear that it can come from anything at anytime. I just need to keep them happy.

When we finished our ice cream, he took me to the media room. He let me pick the movie, kind of. I wanted to watch 'Taken' but he said no. I picked 'Beautiful Creatures' because I'd never seen it before.

I also wanted to sit in the solo reclining chairs, but he said the long sofa, so we did. He was never this controlling when we went out. I mean he would order for me if I'd never been to a place he had been to, but I liked that. Also, how he acted protective when a guy happend to look at me, but that was different. Now he acts like I need to ask permission to breath.

I knew something was up, with him wanting to sit back on the sofa with me.

He wasn't just doing it to cuddle. During the movie, he started kissing & feeling me up. He pushed me down onto the sofa & got on top of me. I tried to make him stop, but he wasnt having that. He did what he wanted. "Pav, stop please. I wanna watch the movie" did nothing.

He opened my robe & licked around my nipples & squeezed my breast. I'm glad he didn't suck, because I might've been a bit more freaked out.

He also decided it was a good time to ask me something I didn't really expect. "Zo, what do you think about having more kids. Have more kids by us..by me" He said as his hand moved up my thigh. My eyes shot wide & I tried to sit up.

I didn't even think about what to say, I just spoke. "No Pav! I'm not having anymore of your kids! None of you. Be happy with the 2 you guys have. Let me be happy with just them & raise them loved & healthy". He pushed me back down on the sofa.

"Zo. You act like you have a choice. Like you've learned nothing. I was just curious what you'd say, but if we actually decide to have a bigger family with you, you might as well just embrace it. That was not the reply I wanted from you Zo. Don't worry babe we'll get you there". He kissed me as I stared at him frustrated.

Get me there? Is that in his Zo plan. Fill me with kids? God help me. "You're mad at me aren't you Pav." I said not wanting some kind of retaliation later. Why did I have to speak out like that. He sat back up & we continued to watch the movie.

"I'm sorry Pavel. It came out wrong. You'd give me beautiful kids, it's just im not ready for more. It's 3 of you, but I only have one body. I'm still recovering from the last 2." I actually felt fine from having the girls. The guys proved I could have sex again even though I worried about it a little.

He's truly out of his mind, if he thinks I'm going to have more kids with them. I mean I love him & I don't know how I could stop them, but I like to think I could. I've always wanted 4 kids- 2 boys & 2 girls. But that dream was also with a loving husband, a cute little puppy & a cute little home in Texas right outside the city. So I'm getting none of that now. I will learn to love my new life of no control.