Hell Spawn (Book 1)

Chap 21

I'm done.

I don't want to continue.

They're lying through their teeth. "Want to make sure we don't die." It's bull. It always was and forever will be. They're the reason we're here.

Those lights. It's laughable. I never figured it out until when Rin said that one thing that clicked. Conditioning. No wonder they would goad us there and back. Every time they exposed us to those flashing lights they were obviously trying to get a reaction, see what patter caused us to go violent. See if it happens right away or a little bit after.

No wonder they praised you if you killed somebody. You completed the test. You did what they programmed us to do. To kill, to hurt. To fully believe that what we were doing had a purpose, but they could t remove conscience. That's probably why they made us go into solitary. They wanted to know what that would do to us. And when they "killed" the failures they obviously put them through a different type of conditioning.

It's so obvious now, but ta the time. I- I know now, what I did to that guard. It's a clear memory. But I don't want to disclose it. It's gruesome and should never be repeated. But it isn't our fault because we can't control what makes us angry, but before then I had never intended to go through with killing anyone. Seems things change.

I feel buzzed all the time. Like I have a high that I can't kill. I need it gone. But nothing will work. Sometimes I wonder, what would of happened months ago when me Dec and Kara sat down after Vince and Rins wedding, if we had gone through with it. Maybe we wouldn't be here, locked up and separated. 

But Heaven wouldn't welcome us.

After all, we're just Hell Spawn.