Elena's Fantasy Diaries

The Last Dalliance

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to The Vampire Diaries, TV show or books. However I decided to have a little play around with the characters (I would definitely like to play with Damon).

Warning for smut and bad language.

Dear Diary

Aargh, it's happened again!

And why does this have to happen when I'm angry with Damon,scrap that I'm livid with Damon. He didn't believe Elijah's elixir would work so he fed me his blood. How dare he take my choices away!I'm angry with him but I doubt the dreams will stop, unless I become a vampire. Do vampire's even dream? I've never asked Stefan, Damon or Caroline. Oh well, looks like I'm about to find out, thanks to Damon.:(

I know I'll forgive him, sooner than I'd forgive anyone else for doing something bad. Is it because my expectations of him are so low? Or is it because I understand why, and part of me might have done the same thing if I were going to lose someone I loved. Would I have done the same to Jeremy if I'd have been in Damon's shoes? Would I have risked a five hundred year old elixir or fed him my blood? I guess until I know what it's like to be a vampire I'll can't say. I guess I'm more angry Damon took the decision out of my hands. Of all people he should know. Stefan turned him because he couldn't be without his brother against his wishes. But unlike Damon, I suspect it won't take me a hundred and forty five years to forgive him for turning me.

Oh well, what's done is done. Klaus will perform the ritual and I'll come back as a vampire. I'll forgive Damon and if vampires dream, then the dreams will continue until I work out what they mean.

Who am I kidding, I know what they mean. No matter what he does, I can't help it, I'm drawn to him in ways I can't explain. I don't understand what this all means. I'm seventeen years old. I have a sweet, loving kind boyfriend, who I should be happy with, want to be with forever, because for us, forever is now possible. But I never wanted to be a vampire, I didn't want forever with Stefan. The things I wanted from the love of my life were things Stefan could never give me. Caroline was right, we wouldn't have worked. I never saw my future with Stefan and I never planned my life or future around him.He helped me with my grief, and I love him for that, but is that enough for eternity together?

I don't think it is, because if it was, I wouldn't be dreaming about Damon. I am repeatedly dreaming about cheating on my boyfriend with his brother. If my heart was entirely with Stefan, I wouldn't behaving these dreams and I know that for a fact. Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm scared to become a vampire, I suspect my feelings for Stefan might change, and right now I need stability.

So what are these erotic dreams about Damon really about?

I tried getting away from Damon and going to the Lake House with Stefan, but it only made me miss Damon more. Stefan and I had sex, and I thought maybe that would help get rid of the dreams, but once I was there I began to miss Damon, so I knew they'd carry on. At least I've eliminated sexual frustration.

Is it purely physical attraction? Damon is hot, there is no two ways about it. When it comes down to physical appearance, Damon is the hotter of the two Salvatore brothers. He's dangerous and sexy,but finding someone physically attractive shouldn't affect me like this.

Could it be an emotional attraction? I don't think I love him.I care about him, sure, but I care about Bonnie, Caroline and Matt.Are my feelings for Damon different? I don't know. What I do know is we have a connection. We understand each other in ways nobody else does. He knows how I'll feel, react, think. Almost as if he's me.Maybe as a human he was more like me and that is where the understanding comes from. Who am I kidding, Damon and I are the complete opposite.