Elena's Fantasy Diaries

I Remember That One Night

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to The Vampire Diaries, TV show or books. However I decided to have a little play around with the characters (I would definitely like to play with Damon).

Dear Diary

I can't believe I'm writing in this thing, apparently again. I obviously kept this journal. It makes a very interesting read, and although I know they're not real, it goes some way to understanding how I fell in love with Damon. Wow it still seems crazy even thinking that I was in love with him. But there's this nagging feeling inside me which I can't shake, and I know if I don't follow it through, I'm going to regret it, even though the Damon I know is a monster and my feelings seem impossible.

From what I can gather, the diary entries were inspired by real events. I remember versions of what happened, but in my mind they happened differently. For instance at the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, I didn't dance with Damon. And I certainly didn't kiss him at the motel room. My 18th birthday was spent at home, not at a party with Damon, imagining marrying him. But according to Ric, that was the signature moment when I fell in love with Damon. I can't believe it happened while I was still with Stefan.

So yeah I've read my own advice to myself, and I wish I could get my memories back, but now Ric is human, that is no longer an option. When I look at Damon, I remember the monster who did some hideous things. Yet if you read my journal's, you wouldn't believe he was the same person. The man I describe is sweet, funny, loving, caring, protective and an unbelievable lover. In fact he sounds a bit too good to be true if you ask me. Certainly nothing like the Damon Salvatore I remember.

When I looked at him tonight and tried to get my memories back, all I saw was a stranger, because the man in front of me looked like the monster Damon Salvatore I knew, but there was something else behind the way he looked at me. He looked broken and desperate, while being utterly in love at the same time. He showed me respect even though I have completely broken his heart. And I have to admit, it hurt that I did that to him, even though I still see him as a monster. Well sort of.

You see when I crossed the border, I saw something, it was brief but it was a memory of Damon and I. We were out watching a meteor shower, and then it started to rain. I told Damon about this and he just said it got muddy and we went home. But I think he lied, as much to himself as to me. He lied to stop me from feeling guilty for erasing my memories of him. Now I'm writing in this journal because after I went to bed last night, I had a dream. I don't know if I'm starting to have fantasies about Damon again, or whether I was remembering what really did happen after it started raining. Whichever way it was, it was beautiful. And unless we find a loophole, I'm never going to get my memories back, and I doubt Damon would tell me the truth, unless I took a risk and trusted my journal as to why I loved him so much and actually get to know him again. The alternative is to forget about it, but I cant.

Looking on the bright side, if I did that, we'd never have the 'Stefan' cloud hanging over us. From what I could tell, Damon was insecure about our relationship for a while and was paranoid I'd go back to Stefan. Damon is wanting to back off for my sake, but I don't think I want him to. If that glimpse of a memory and the possibility of my dream being the remainder of the memory are anything to go by, then we not only have something special, but we are soulmates.

I admit Damon seems different, softer, but is he putting on an act to get on my good side? Or is this the man I knew? If so, I can see the appeal, other than being smoking hot. The funny thing is, my memories don't make me think I found him hot, but when I see him in the flesh, he makes me tingle a little. I wonder if just because my memories are erased from my brain, my body recognizes how much I need him physically, because according to my journal, it seems that out love life was pretty amazing.