Mrs. Holmes [Book III]

Understandings

That Night

Susanna awoke to slightly dulled yet powerful pain in her middle and a muddled, foggy brain. She groaned and felt a new sensation- warm and familiar- on her hand, "Ngh... Sherlock..?"

"Susanna?" He squeezed her hand and she heard him stand up, "Susanna, how are you feeling, Love?" 

She groaned, "Pain," She hissed, "Not... pleasant."

"Morphine?" She shook her head.

"It's only making my brain foggy."

"Can you open your eyes, Love?"

Susanna grit her teeth, "N-No. Not right now," Her voice grew concerned, "John. Sherlock, how is he?"

"John will recover. He is doing fine."

"William?"

"Safe and well. Do not worry."

"And Rosie?"

"Likewise."

Susanna sighed with relief, "Good... And how are you, Darling?"

He faltered and then burst, "Of all the people to be concerned for you ask me how I am doing, Love? I'm not the one who just had surgery to remove a bullet from my abdomen that caused internal bleeding!"

Susanna frowned, "Sherlock, I think it's well established how I am feeling. I was asking if you were okay because I know that it hurts you to have both me and John in the ICU."

He clenched her hand, "Why did you put yourself on the line like that?!"

Susanna barely opened her eyes, turning her head over to gaze at him, "Because I know you, Sherlock."

"And what about William? What about me?"

"Sherlock, I put myself on the line because I knew that if you lost John, even I wouldn't be able to help put you back together. You need each other more than you'll ever admit and I understand that. If you lost me, John would be there and I know you would cope and move on-"

"No I wouldn't, Susanna! And I couldn't raise William on my own! Would you so quickly leave him motherless!"

"Sherlock, I would do anything to protect you and William! And if it means sacrificing myself so that you could have John and live out a sane life then so be it if it means William will have a father who I know is more than capable of raising him!" Susanna snapped back, "You and John would have each other like you have since Mary sacrificed herself for you. She knew John needed you and wouldn't have been able to cope with losing you a second time. She loved him, and so she did what she felt would ultimately turn out best. Just as I love you, so I would do the same."

When that finally clicked together in his mind Sherlock felt a resurgence of conflict. He was tremendously grateful to know that Susanna understood his and John's relationship and loved him enough to put herself in harm's way to keep the duo together. But he was also angry, confused and happy at the same time.

Sherlock gripped her hand, "You were going to save me the pain of choosing..."

"As I would have done if the choice was between me and William," Susanna took a breath, "Do you understand now?"

He inhaled and let it out, then gave a small nod, "I suppose so, Love."

She smiled tearily, "I'm very sorry to put you through this, Darling. But I wouldn't hesitate to do it again."

He clasped her hand between both of his and lifted it to his lips; brushing a tender kiss against her knuckles and fingertips, "I don't deserve you."

"Mmm, maybe, but don't get hung up on whether you do or do not, Sherlock. I Love You and that isn't going to change," He squeezed her hand three times and brought it closer to his face. She stroked his cheek and chuckled a bit, "Now can I have a kiss from my darling husband?"

"As many as you'd like, Love," He replied softly and leaned over to press a chaste kiss to her lips. She was weak and semi-paralyzed from the medications, so she couldn't respond as much as she wanted to. But Sherlock didn't care. He peppered her with gentle kisses and then rested his head in the crook of her shoulder, "Thank you... for saving John and not leaving me."

"Of course." She kissed his cheek.

"But perhaps, could you at least try to stay out of of a hospital bed for a long while?"

Susanna smiled, "I'll try my level best, Darling."

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