The fear in me

Nay

That's never happened to me before. Never was anybody so unfriendly to me. What does that Jason think he's up to? I just wanted to help him. I'm so dumbfounded that I stand in the stairway of his house and am simply speechless. Then I slowly sneak down the stairs. When I have almost reached the bottom I hear a noisy discussion.

"... for everybody a new beginning!" I hear a male voice saying.

"I hope he doesn't shut himself in again. He needs friends at last!" Jason's foster mother Sharon, who had just let me in, was saying with a sigh. "He's so lonely. I can't bear to see him like that."

Even if it's wrong to eavesdrop on conversations, I can't help it. I want to know what's up, because I have the feeling they're talking about Jason.

"You know how hard it is for him to overcome his fears. They seem to eat away at him. Whatever sad things he's gone through and whatever sort of violence he's experienced, he's not yet ready to share them with somebody else. Perhaps he never will be. This time we should tell the psychologists to call it off for a while, don't you think? I don't trust their expertise. I'm still suffering from the consequences of my childhood and no psychologist in the whole world has been able to help me!"

"I know!" Sharon apologises in a subdued voice. "But all the things that happened are eleven years back. Maybe the psychologists are ..."

"I've been living for thirty years with the consequences of my childhood. You've helped me more than any psychologist!" the male voice interrupts with a sigh, and then I hear nothing else for the moment.

In confusion I ponder what I should do. What I have just heard cuts me to the quick. What sort of violence has Jason experienced? Is that why he was so abrupt with me?

"We'll get over it. Some day he'll blossom, as I did," the male voice continues. I'm ashamed to be overhearing this intimate conversation, but I can't move.

"I'm afraid he'll be condemned again because he hides himself behind his gear and doesn't let anyone approach him," says Sharon. Her voice sounds choked. Is she crying?

"You can't shelter him from superficial weirdos. Those who are worthwhile he'll convince by himself."

"But what if here too he keeps everybody at a distance? What say he's doing it again right now?"

Another pause. I've heard enough and draw attention to myself. I stomp down the remaining steps.

Sharon is walking into the corridor when I'm noisily going down the rest of the staircase. She's a pretty, reddish blonde woman, and I'd say she's not older than forty. I'm surprised she has no children of her own, because she seems to genuinely care for Jason.

"I told Jason I'll come on Monday and take him with me to school. I'll come for him punctually at 7.30!" I tell her, and I see how her worried face lights up.

I decide not to tell her he threw me out. I prefer to let her believe I was talking with him the whole time upstairs.

"That's great, Nay!" she answers, visibly relieved. "Thanks."

"Today he's probably got enough to do. So I won't annoy him any further! We'll postpone our sightseeing to another day. Okay?"

"Okay!" She answers vexed, but enthusiastic. "Can I introduce you to my husband? Todd, come here a moment!" she calls him without waiting for my answer.

A bear of a man walks into the front corridor. And I mean that literally. He's not only big, he's very hairy. He gives me a look-over from top to bottom. "G'day!" he says with a deadly serious face but a smile in his eyes. "That's what they say here, isn't it?"