The fear in me

Jason

I've never been so happy in my life. I can't grasp that Nay is lying in my arms and that she's immune to my gift. She wants to help me and I know that I can achieve everything with her. How quickly everything can change.

Nay has a gift too. That is better than good, for there must be an explanation for everything, mustn't there?

Nay has had her gift since birth. Why did my death curse pop up so suddenly from nothing? No idea, but I know that now I have somebody that I can trust completely. We are both agreed and do not want to attract attention with our gifts. At last, I'm not alone. Possibly Nay can even help if by mistake I touch somebody. I'm thinking particularly of Tim.

Wow! I still can't understand it. Nay has more feelings for me. I really thought she was totally in love with Tim, but she's lying in my arms.

Still: Tim loves Nay and he'll be shocked and angry when he sees that we're together. Together? Are we together? It occurs to me that I haven't a clue how relationships work. Girls have never interested me before. But now I want to show Nay what she means to me. What say I do everything wrong? She seemed to be shocked when I said to her that I want her totally. Does it sound possessive when you declare what you want?

I absolutely must find out how girls tick! Somehow that seems difficult to me. Unfortunately I can't do a replay of the years. Girls just weren't on my radar. I know indeed that some of them feel they're ugly and what problems that causes, but how they really tick – not a clue! So I have to read the signs myself. At the moment I think I'm doing everything correctly. Nay is groaning under me and I'm sure that if I don't go into a lower gear I'll lose myself in her.

"Jason?" Sharon's call makes us leap apart. Is it really so late? Nay pulls her T-shirt down. She looks ruffled. Sexy! I have to grin.

"How can you grin now? Your mother's coming up at any moment," Nay whispers.

"She'll be happy," I start, but Nay interrupts me.

"How will you explain to her that you hold me when you don't touch anyone else? You can't suddenly react differently now."

Nay is right. Reality catches up with me. I am death for others. "Jason, everything okay?" I hear Sharon calling. It sounds closer, which means she's already on the first floor.

I look at Nay. If Sharon sees us together she'll know what we've done. And that must not happen. I can't touch anyone else. Not yet!

"Go into the bathroom," I whisper to Nay. She nods and sprints across. In just the right moment, because the door handle is moving. My partition, which actually cuts off the view to the bed, is at the wall. I ponder for a moment what to do and roll in and act as though I'm sleeping.

I hear Sharon walking to me and giving a deep sigh. At some point the door closes. Phew! I wait for a while, then I get up and go to the bathroom.

"That was a close call!" says Nay.

"Yes," I confirm and somehow I'm sad that I can't show Sharon how good Nay is for me.

"I'm truly sorry, Jason. It didn't at all occur to me that you have to keep playing the untouchable. Only when I heard Sharon did the enlightenment come to me...."

"I forgot it too. It'll be hard to keep my hands off you when others are close by."

She blushes and smiles. Is it right to show your feelings like that? She keeps silent and looks suddenly downward, as though the pattern of the bathroom mat is very interesting. "Have I embarrassed you again?" I ask uncertainly.

She looks up and glances at me annoyed. "Yes, in a way ... Jason, you're incredibly honest ... I'm not used to that with boys!" she admits.

"Truly I don't know how I should behave myself!" I scratch my head in embarrassment. "I just say to you what I'm feeling and thinking ..."

"And that's good!" she interrupts me. "Normally boys beat about the bush. I'm not saying I have such a lot of experience ..." She blushes. "Honestly, I know only from Tim that boys aren't honest. If he'd been honest we'd probably have long been a pair ..."

"Is it that that you still want?" I ask, and a pang goes through my chest.

"No, no!" she says quickly. "Tim's just a chum, I've grasped that, even if rather late. And to go one better than your honesty: I've never had such feelings for him as for you." She goes even redder than before.

I have to grin and go closer to hold her fast. "That's very convenient. I have no need to be only a chum. I want you, all of you ..." I whisper the last sentence and then we kiss again, and I can't get enough of her skin on mine.