Confused | Taemin X Reader | SHINee Fanfic| COMPLETED

Break down

I stand there staring at the closed door. These feelings are too much for me to handle. I need to be alone for sometime.

I walk out of the door in a short black shirt and floral shirt. I walk slowly towards a place that should be empty right now.

I walk into the music room and lock the door, I don't want anyone to see me. I look around, it seems empty.

I slowly walk towards the corner and stand facing the walls. I steady myself against the wall and close my eyes.

Taemin. Taemin, how she was in our room a few minutes ago, her beautiful eyes, her short blond hair, every little beautiful feature of hers floods into my mind.

WHY CAN'T I JUST TELL HER? WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUCH A COWARD? WHY DO I ACT LIKE A FOOL AROUND HER?

I don't want to keep our relationship the way it is. We hardly talk. I want to hear her beautifully deep voice more. I want her to look my way more.

I want to be in her arms, lay my head against her chest and tell her how much I love her. There, I said it, at least to myself, I LOVE HER. I LOVE TAEMIN.

I punch the wall. It hurts but the pain in my heart numbs any other pain. I continue to punch the wall.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS." I shout as I punch it one last time. I lean against the wall.

I turn around so that my back is pressed against the wall. I feel my eyes tearing up. I want her here, with me. I want to hug her tight and never let her go.

I slowly sit down, my back still pressed against the wall. My legs are fold and in front of my chest. My hands surround them.

But, why would she want me? I am just a stupid girl who is broken. I don't know how to love her. I don't know how to act around her.

I don't know how to be gentle with her. I don't know how to show her my love. I am too scared to let her into my heart.

What if the broken pieces scare her away? What if I accidentally tell her what happens to me? Will she stay with me?

Will I scare her away? Will she understand? It's not something I wanted. It's not something I like.

Jack's cruel smirk comes to my mind. No, it is my fault. If I tried harder to stop him, he wouldn't have been able to do anything to me.

His voice booms inside my head, "Y/N, don't you see? There is nothing more to you. No one cares for you. They don't believe you, do they?"

"I am the only one who even spends time with you. No one wants you. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"No one loves you."

"No one cares about you."

"No one wants you."

"No one ........" the voices in my head grow louder.

"STOP! PLEASE STOP. I ..." I break down in tears as my hands fall to my side, numb and useless.

My legs slide forward and stretch in front of me. I hit my head on the wall again and again, slowly.

I feel his touch on my body as I close my eyes. I cry harder and move around.

"PLEASE, NO. LET ME GO. I DON'T WANT THIS." I shout as I open my eyes to see no one around. I close my eyes.

I breathe heavily and run my hands through my hair and mess them. My tears seize to stop flowing.

I wipe away my tears and dig my nails into the exposed skin of my thighs and bend forward.

I don't want to live this way. I don't want to suffer anymore. I want to stop this horrible life of mine. Why am I even here?

"No one cares anyway, no one loves me, no one will know. I may suffer later but anything is better than this horrible life. I should just end my suffering." I tell the walls of the empty room, my eyes still closed.

Please vote and comment if you like the chapters. That really cheers me up and inspires me to write more. Love from Cheonsa.