In Love With a Monster (Johan Liebert x reader)

Chapter 41

                   Your P.O.V.

You pulled the trigger.

The monster will die completely alone right here as the sound of rain cover my cries. Walking slowly in this quiet town that seemed to fit my mood perfectly, I will find Onii-chan. Get reunited with him, and live happily ever after with him. The end.

And then-

Then why the fuck...

Once again. . .

I don't feel happy when I think of it?! That ending sounds so empty!

Again. . .

Then what should-

And again . . .

I do?

Until you finally were out of bullets, and the wall behind Johan became filled with small holes. The monster, however, was not fazed by the sound of gunshots, and the fact that the bullets passed next to his head by few centimetres.

"I can't..." you fell on your knees, tears sliding down your cheeks "I can't pull the trigger. Not if it's you whose life I am ending. You're a part of my world, my reality. I l-love you! I want to hate you but I can't! I love you on so many levels that it is so twisted in the same time! You complete me...you're a part of me! You're...special. You're not some random guy. You're my Johan."

I still want to shelter you!

I still want to save you!

And I fucking hate myself because of that!

You let out a laugh, a grin plastered on your face as you looked at Johan who was now looking at you with wide-open eyes, still trying to comprehend everything that you had told him just a few seconds ago. You knew, you fucking knew that he was more than shocked by the fact that your love for him was greater than the hatred. The very same feeling he thought was greater than anything else. And that just hurt you even more. To see him this broken-

"Oh, the bitter-sweet irony. I've felt more secured and safe in the arms of a serial killer than anyone else in the whole wide world. No, wait. It's mass murderer. Not that either. Spree killer perhaps? Haha, no, your case is too complicated to fit just one criteria." You spoke, and the grin was finally gone, replaced by shaking line, "Oh, Johan, why does it have to be you? Anyone...but you..."

But I finally realize the agony you are in...

And I fucking understand every piece of it...

Which is one of the reasons I just can't shoot at you

Not you-

"You suck at love because you've never been properly loved." You suddenly added, "But then again, I am not the best example either."

Of course, you were not a fool either. Anna, no, Nina had explained you briefly Johan's obsession with her half being his other half, and how their relationship, mostly on Johan's part, was no sort of a normal one that twins had. And, that just made you feel more pity for the monster-for this nameless man right in front of you. He had never let anyone in his own little world, and as much as you had thought you weren't in there, now you were able to see, to understand just how much you were in his world the whole time.

"Might as well just die. I swore to protect my brother, and I failed so miserably." Your lips trembled, your heart aching at the mere thought of that would happen next.