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Chapter XX

I just wanted to say thank you  @-symphonic for the cover. I love it  

Chapter 20

D e r e k

I punch the punching bag over and over again until I feel all my energy drain and body weakening.

Seeing Amanda walk away at the cafe- anger and hurt displayed on her eyes has me on edge. More so than I thought. Since that day I've been distant sitting in the back of the class, showing up once at the cafeteria only to not go by again.

I can't bring myself to look at her without feeling regret and madness towards myself for such accusations. If I'm honest I'm afraid that what I'm feeling towards her is a mere simple attraction or a friend connection- no this is something more. 

Stop denying it. You know it is. You know damn well its more than just an attraction.

I shake my head.

Alex tried calling me, but I won't answer- it's best that way. I know- no doubt that whatever answer I give him will land in her ears on way or another. Yet I also doubt she'll what to hear from me again.

 Damn, if I would have listened to Amanda in the beginning things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. Both keeping and ignoring each others presence. But I know deep down, I would't have lasted. Eventually I would have craved her attention.

My phone buzzes with another message, but I ignore it, I have a fair idea of who it is- a private number. One that seemed to have caused many problems.

Ask her about Linda I can assure you she has a lot to say, more than what you think...

Those words seem to echo in my head like a broken record player. - Fuck!

I grab the closest object and throw it across the room. Hearing it shatter against the wall.

What the hell were you thinking Derek? Why?

Even if it's been a week- one hell of a week- I still feel this way, and when I do there's a place I usually go, and right now I need to be there. I take a quick shower and in no time I'm out the door and speeding down the quite street.

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I walk through the tombstones- ones I've memorized by name and date carved into them from times I've been here. The sound of my footsteps fill the quiet scene until I reach his.

The tomb looks untouched except for the dry flowers lying on the bare ground in front of it, which will soon be replaced.

"Why did you keep things hidden?" I say running a hand through my hair. 

Jacob would keep things hidden. If he didn't want anyone to know then that's how it would be. He even kept things from me not that it bothered me, until now. Until now when our lives are crazy with the lack of answers needed.

"How am I supposed to help her. Give me a sign- anything. You can't expect me to wait and loss my shit because of whats going on. You know I care for her....only her...." I wait, hoping that like in the movies something would appear or happen- the setting sun bursting through the dark clouds or even the sudden sound of a hundred birds filling the air but nothing happens. The sky only darkens as clouds take over,  covering the already grey sky.

I know he loved her. Anyone could see it in his eyes and his actions. We were young, but that's the thing about love. It comes when you least expect it. The only bad thing was that we were in love with the same person, but now that's he's gone. I have to do everything in my power to help her. Something Jacob would have wanted me to do, but I'm finding it difficult.

Even with you gone your secret still haunt me. In the end shes still yours. You won't let her go. I shake my head. I know that's not true but it sure does feel like it.

So did I do right to accuse Amanda? Well, I technically believed and let a stranger manipulate me, so I guess not. I should have heard her. I should've told her why I've been acting like this. She probably would have looked at me like I was crazy. Thinking of it now. I know she has no part in this chaos- she was never there to begin with. In fact, I'm the one dragging her into this unknowingly. But I was scared. I was angry. And I took it out on her. 

It's not her fault my heart can't decide who it wants. It's not her fault he died. And it is not her fault Linda is in that place.  

I sit there thinking about everything that has happened in the past years. When none of us had this much stress in our lives before all this shit happened. Where did life take a turn.

Minutes or maybe even hours pass until I feel rain trickle down my hair and the rest of my body.

"I'll come back soon," I tell him as I feel the raindrops now starting to get heavier and head back following the now slippery and muddy trail. When I'm close enough to the front entrance, I see movement from the distance- a shadow close to my car.

"Who's there?" I shout getting closer. Nobody usually comes at this time, especially in this weather. From here, all I can make out is a figure covered in all black. However, the rain is making it difficult for me to see. They quickly look up, and suddenly they run.

"Hey!" I call out running towards the figure, but it's too late. I hear an engine roar to life, and by the time I reach the gate the person already left ,leaving tire tracks on the pavement. I turn and walk back to my car and notice a damp folded paper taped to my window.

I miss you.