The Cost Of Retribution( Not your usual Hausa love story)

Chapter 2- To feel Guilt

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*Ali*

I was just closing from work, all day my mood has been quite irritable. Let's just say I was beating myself up for lashing out at Amani earlier.

I felt like a douche, in her eyes I'm sure I looked like it too. She had been crying, I saw her make her way to the toilet with tear stains on her face and my heart just sank.

I shouldn't have said all those things, she was already going through so much and I just made her feel worse about herself, I felt terrible for everything and I wished I could take it all back.

Amani Suleiman, Damn.
I was gripping the steering wheel harder than necessary my knuckles turning white as I thought about my douche actions. An amazing young woman in her own right, an amazing surgeon from watching her grow from a shy intern on her first day at mahmud kangiwa hospital to the amazing surgeon she was now.
She always had a smile on her face and was always nice to everyone, her kindness and sweet nature was contagious but she also had this thing about her that made you want to stand upright in her presence.
Something about her demanded respect which she so deserved.

I reached the parking lot of my apartment building, it was a block of penthouses that my father owned and rented out to people. I had one under my name since at thirty two, baba thought I should at least live on my own since their many attempts to get me married had failed.

I just haven't found the right person yet. This was my excuse for the time being. After freshening up and praying I read the Quran a bit to calm my nerves and afterwards opened my laptop to add a few notes to a research I had been working on.
I had just laid back on the couch heaving a huge sigh as my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out seeing as it was mama a smile formed on my face as I slid answer and pressed it to my face.

"Salam Mama Ina wuni" (Good Afternoon mama)I said

"Lafiya lau sultan, Yakake?"( All Good Sultan, How are you ?) She replied excitedly

"I'm fine mama how are you?" I said wondering why she had an edge to her voice.
"Have you eaten? or do you still starve yourself eating fruits and noodles all day" she said referring to my eating habits, I chuckled "Mama I do cook a lot and you know that"

"Well you aren't very good at it, you should just come back home, you know you love my cooking" she pressed, okay now I know this was just one of my mothers many plans to get me to come back home. She didn't like me living alone even though I am a perfectly grown man who can take care of himself.

"Mama please, we've been through this" I said in a laugh knowing she would never drop it.

"Okay okay, I know you're grown and all sultan" she began her voice softer "I just miss you, we all do, your sisters and Ahmad"
I sighed, "okay Mama I'll drop by tomorrow after work insha Allah, how's that?"

"That's wonderful sultan, thank you" she replied and I could picture the huge smile on her face.

"No problem Mama, ki gaida ilham da kauthar da Ahmad"( No problem Mama greet ilham and kauthar and Ahmad)

"To za su ji(I'll tell them), take care of yourself, please eat Good food" she said before we said our Goodnight and hung up.
My mother was a one of a kind person, very pretty even at fifty years of age, she didn't look at all like it. She had pretty fair skin and bold eyes, jet black hair with traces of grey. Ahmad, my younger brother who was in his second year in university and I liked to always tease her about when people never believed we were her kids.
she always joked that she would stop worrying about me the day I got married, that would be my wife's job from then on. But I guess for the time being she would always ask if I had eaten and if I had enough sleep and what was wrong if I had a frown on my face. I was the eldest of four children and all my siblings looked up to me, my mother was proud of me, and my dad would have been if I'd decided to help out in his business instead of becoming a doctor but I did what I loved and I wouldn't have it any other way.
He would complain from time to time about how i should join his real estate company and take over from him one day, but since I was not a disappointment he decided to let me be.
I was going over some notes from my journal when my phone beeped again, I pulled it out from my pocket to see an email from Baba's personal assistant, it said to meet him at his office to discuss something important at noon tomorrow.

I raised an eyebrow going over the message again, what could he possibly want to tell me. Shrugging it off, I buried myself in my work for almost two hours before I decided to bring out my phone to order some dinner, A hearty Jollof rice and chicken with a Caesar salad side that would arrive soon.

After dinner I lay down on my bed tossing and turning, not being able to sleep. I've done a lot of mean things to people, that's life we hurt people and they hurt us but nothing that has kept me awake.
I could picture Amanis face as I spat out at her, how could I have been so insensitive? Ever since that night when I took her to the hospital to see her sister, I've been stuck on making sure she's okay, just wanting to take her pain away and make her that smiling girl she was again. I don't really know why this is, but I guess it is what it is. I want to see her smiling and happy.

Following that event, she lost that sparkle abut her that she always had. What happened to her sister I couldn't even begin to imagine how despicable it was, if one of my sisters had to go through that I would have lost my mind by now.

When I was a child my mother used to say that I had the compassion that most people would never have in an entire lifetime, she said I had the heart of a king hence why she called me sultan. I guess its every mother's nature to think her child is special but not everyone would keep awake thinking about how they'd hurt someone, or maybe if its someone they cared about they would.

I got up and sipped cold water before going back to bed this time willing myself to sleep.