Things unsaid

Relationships

Relationships
So far I've been in 4 of them
So far all of them have been abusive in some way.
In the first?
She was manipulative.
If I did something that she didn't like I'd get hit, pinched, ignored or yelled at.
In the next?
He didn't listen.
He raped me because "when you start something you can't just say no half way through"
In my third?
He had anger issues.
I annoyed him so he hit me to take out his frustrations
The most recent one?
They were my best friend.
I had feelings for them but I hid them
I didn't want to ruin a friendship
They blamed me for things that I didn't do.
They personally attacked me.
They hurt me.
I keep getting told
"you're worth so much more"
"you deserve much better"
and even "how can you put up with that?"
To answer simply.
I've never had anyone treat me like I deserve better
Treat me like I'm worth anything
so I don't believe it.
I don't think I deserve better
I'm not worth more
I put up with it cause that's all I've ever gotten
At this point I've gotten used to the abuse
I can't tell what it would be like to be happy
I've stopped feeling honestly