Things unsaid

Summer love

Summer love
I know I know. It's silly to use the word "love" when talking about teens.
I know that love (supposedly) won't be felt for years.
"Not till you're grown".
"You don't need to be in a relationship".
"You don't know what you're talking about"
"You're too young"
"You'll find someone eventually"
I know.
But trust me, that doesn't stop me from wanting SOMETHING
Unfortunately, this SOMETHING comes in the form of lies, borrowed time, fuck boys, promises made to be broken, and physical contact that I'll definitely feel terrible about later
The SOMETHING void can sometimes be filled with friends
Sometimes with a good day
And sometimes with sleep
But more often than not
the SOMETHING space stays a void
It's the feeling that creeps up on me at 3am when I'm the only one up and thinking
It's my smile suddenly dropping while I'm surrounded by others laughing
It's the fear that will always be in the back of my mind
This SOMETHING that I seem to be desperately searching for seems to be unobtainable
I fear the loneliness that comes without it.
So yes.
I don't really know what "love" feels like
But I do know what isolation feels like.
I know what shame feels like
I know what sadness feels like
I know what pain feels like
If those are the only other options
then I don't want either
Now this is just the 17 year olds view of right now
and I know that I might find that something at some point
However, Until then I guess I'll keep trying