Things unsaid

Wake up

Wake up

I feel fucking crazy
Normally my mind won't stop
Constantly buzzing with thoughts
And overthinking
Lately though, it will stop
Randomly

I could be walking to the bathroom
Taking a test
Watching YouTube
Smoking
Texting
Or even just sitting in my car
My mind will go blank
But so does the rest of me
The room I'm in will feel distant
My limbs heavy
Sometimes I'll see myself from a 3rd perspective
Disconnected

If I talk, it won't feel like I did
I'll forget even saying anything
Forget about doing things
Loose track of time
I will suddenly feel like I'm dreaming
Nothing is real

Once I snap out of it
Remembering is difficult
I don't get it
Deciphering what's real and what's not
Gets harder and harder as this continues
98% of me hates this feeling
The 2% that doesn't?
That 2% thinks it's amazing

If nothing is real
And if it's all a dream
Then nothing matters
There are no consequences
And if nothing matters
That means I don't matter either

Fuck it
I can do whatever I want
None of it is real so it's fine
I can be as honest
Loud
Bitchy
Rude
Forward
And open as I want

Once I wake up it will have never happened
That's all I have to do to reset it all
I just have to
Wake up