Things unsaid

In the car

In the car
With two of my best friends
Texting a third
And not long ago
I was fine.

But now?
Now I feel like shit
I'm sad
It's not a simple sad though
This sad feels like
All the air is being sucked from my lungs
Like I got a hole punched through my chest
I feel like nothing.

They're sitting around me talking
Listening to party music
Having a great time
I wish I could
For some fucking reason I can't though
I've taken a Xanax
Why the fuck can't I be normal?

I don't want to be home
I also don't wanna be around these people though
I'm never good enough
No matter what I do
I will never be the first choice
I'm always gonna be the weird
Anxious
Depressed
Freaky Bitch
And no one wants that in their life for long