❝When I'm around slow dancing in the dark, don't follow me you'll end up in my arms.❞
『 homecoming - post 』
『 the extraordinary series 』
『 cover by binbarnes 』
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◤ chapter twenty-one: ❛ one of the greats ❜ ◢
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TONI WASN'T BORED, BUT SHE WAS NERVOUS. Never in her life had she had an all-consuming crush like that. Yeah, in elementary school there was Jake Albright who had rosy cheeks and pushed her on the swings during recess, and in middle school there was Jenny Hemmings who had the best music taste and let Toni eat her apples at lunch because she didn't want them. But those were childish, little crushes that made her blush but didn't consume her every moment and make her feel so many butterflies in her stomach like Harry.
She wasn't used to this – wasn't used to letting someone have this power over her, over her feelings and her heart in such a way where if they left she would be crushed. Yeah, when Jake Albright left in the middle of the school year she was sad but it was whatever, and when Jenny Hemmings started dating Kyle Murray she cried a little but if Harry were to do either of those things...Toni didn't know what would happen.
And that wasn't normal, right? It wasn't good? She didn't know, it wasn't like her or any of her friends had ever been in a relationship – like an actual relationship – before. Atlas had somewhat dated some guys, slept with more, and Sabrina had crushes but had never been in a relationship before hers with Liz.
Either way, she knew that she didn't like feeling powerless because of a person. She liked to be in control, dictating her own life and living the way she wanted without the influence of another person – that was freeing to her, and she adored her own freedom. But Harry...? She knew if she let him, he could control her life, and that was a terrifying feeling to have roaming around inside her.
She knew she could fall because of his smile, knew her knees could go weak to his laugh, and knew that she could be utterly his with just a word and this was new. This was different and she hated it. She knew that eventually her parents would control her, this was her time for sweet freedom, and she didn't need anyone else tugging her in a certain direction.
She hated liking him, but Finn's words comforted her. It was okay to like him, to fall into the type her family always sought after, to be an Alderson through and through in this way, because the intentions were different. Harry made her feel good, made her feel like her mistakes weren't life-ending, and she felt comfortable next to him. Everything was easy with him, no secrets seemed too bad or deep to tell, and no shameful deeds seemed so bad anymore.
They felt normal, acceptable, because he accepted them and he accepted her even from the very beginning when she didn't accept him. No one else made her feel that way, so it was easier to slip deeper into wanting him. And it was okay.
Her feelings were good, they weren't distorted, they were hers and hers alone. This was not an Alderson gene creeping in and taking over, wanting to trap the billionaire's son for the potential money and power later in life. This was Toni – not Antoinette – feeling utterly free with him and wanting to hold his hand.
