Polygraph Eyes // Yungblud

7: "A Message To Jon"

For two years, you laid your hands on me. For two years, I allowed it. I made a complete fool out of myself for defending you and your actions. I couldn't take it anymore. I would sit in my dark and cold room crying about how I've been hurt by you and asked myself why I stilled stayed. You made me go crazy, and thanks to you I can never trust another person to care for me. I think every guy is as evil and conniving as you were. They were all right about you. You said you changed, bullshit. You're a cocky, evil asshole who deserves nothing. I pray that no other girl has to go through what I did.

The countless hours of screaming, punching and kicking at each other was painful. I couldn't do anything. It was like you had a knife to my throat at all times. I distanced myself from my friends and family. You became my top priority, and oh how I had made the wrong choice. You've hurt me Jon. You broke me to a million pieces that can never be fixed. It was like you lead me down an old winding road and into a black abyss where I was alone and afraid. I would disappear from my own mind at times, only to come back to more tension within our household. I wish I could stay away from this world, but you do everything in your power to keep me here.

I still remember the last straw for me. You complained how I wasn't giving you the attention you needed, and you went to get it from another whore. How could you? I can't cater to all of your needs. When you came home that night I was waiting for you on the couch. I was furious when you came in all happy from you night out. When you turned on the lights you saw me staring angrily at you. You confusingly walked over to me and has the nerve to say "Hey baby." and try to give me a drunken kiss. I pushed you off of me which made you grow furious. You proceeded to throw me off of the couch and onto the floor. My adrenaline was flowing and nothing could stop me from fighting you. You called me psychotic when I tackled you and threw me off of your back and into the glass mirror in our old living room. I was sick and tired of you and the shard of glass in my back couldn't stop me from giving you what you deserved, but of course the adrenaline only lasts so long. You then continued to beat me until my face was black and purple.

All I can remember is that evil smile on your face as you enjoyed seeing me in pain. Your eyes were black like a shark when they sense blood. If I didn't scream bloody murder, would you have stopped? Probably not.

Your eyes went back to normal, but with a more colder and apologetic feel to them. You tried to hug me and comfort me, but I flinched away. I couldn't take it anymore. I laid on the floor in fetal position crying, and you left me there. You sighed at what you had done, but didn't try to apologize for it. What's wrong with you?

When I decided to leave, you stated that I wouldn't be able to find another person like you. Thats the point. Don't you get it? I don't want another person like you. I don't think I will find anyone at all. I no longer have an ounce of trust in any of my bones in my body. Everyone told me I deserved so much better, which is true but I don't think I will ever find the one.

One thing good about our relationship was that you kept your promises, so promise me one thing. You will never treat another girl like the way you treated me. If you find someone else, promise me that you will cherish them and love them until death. I can go on to say how much you've hurt me, but I don't think you'll ever understand the point. One thing I do want to say is thank you. Thank you for showing me whats the wrong and whats the right way to be treated in a relationship. You taught me that I deserved better.

Although our relationship ended in disaster, I still wish you the best and upmost happiness.

Sincerely,

Alexia