Silence

Chapter 10

           Issac was texting Stasia and I and saying he didn't know what to do so I began to think of the time I had my first panic attack.

I was at the beach with my friends and I had my period and I used a tampon for the first time. Normally I'd use a pad and wait for the cramps and the pain to be over.

But my friends convinced me to try it so I could go in the water again so I tried it out.

However, I began to panic and then I couldn't see anymore and I saw black dots and I couldn't breathe. I didn't remember much that happened afterwards but I was out for 10 minutes.

I woke up and my head was hurting like a bitch but I shake it off and decided to just stay in the sand.

"Tell him to tell Dylan to breathe" I say and Stasia nods and then decides to call Issac. She gave me her phone to tell him what to do and how to help Dylan.

"He needs to know he's safe and that you're there okay. Issac it helps to put your hands on his face to give him awareness".

Stasia and I begin to walk towards where the bathrooms are and she's worried and begins to text Drew.

It was all my fault for bringing him here in the first place sometimes I wish I could disappear along with my problems and not screw shit up. We walk into the restroom and I look as Issac looks at Dylan crying.

"Dylan oh my god I'm sorry I should've listened to you and not force you to come" I say and sit down next to him.

"It's not your fault it's mine" Stasia says and hugs him and he begins to calm down.

"I called Drew he'll take you home" Stasia says and we help him get up and she and him walk off to talk.

The game was on fourth quarter and sadly we were 4 points behind it who even come to watch the games anyway. Looked like Nick had left or found another girl to flirt with or something.

"Josie where have you been?" Lucy asks and I didn't have an answer I had been everywhere tonight. All I wanted to do was go home already and stay up to watch The 100.

"I've been with some friends and had to deal with a problem" I say and think about how telling the truth does make you feel better.

"What happened are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I lied.

I sit with the group and we all talk about plans for the weekend. Davina and I were going to have a sleepover next weekend but this weekend we were going to hang out. We were both trying to make amends after what happened at Ryan's party.

That made me wonder he was cause I had been blowing him off after accidentally revealing that I have a crush to a whole classroom.

"Davina you know where Ryan is?" I ask her and look around in the other groups.

"He's probably by the field with the other guys want me to come with you" she says but I tell her I needed to talk to him about something and she understood what I meant.

As I walked I began to take in what really goes on at football games other than the games. Drugs, fights, breakups and hookups, etc.

Drew is talking to Stasia as Dylan quietly sits and listens and I decided to make sure he was okay. He didn't look at me as I sat next to him I then went up to the concession stand and bought Skittles for him.

Skittles were my relief drug and they freed me from the word with their flavors maybe it would do the same for him. I handed him the pack and he looked at me and then at the Skittles.

"Thanks" he says and opens them and takes my hand and pours some for me.

"Dylan I don't need them I bought it for you" I say but he refuses to take it back.

"Come on dude I'm taking you home" Drew says and before Dylan walks off I give him a hug. It must've been me or my imagination or something but I think he smiled back.

"How are doing with all this" I ask Stasia and she tells me that with love comes sacrifices.

"Drew doesn't only work at Starbucks but he works at Publix just to provide for his family. But I mean Dale helps out too and talks to Dylan and makes sure he's okay" she says and I turn my head at the mention of Dale.

"Why would Dale help them," I say

"He's their cousin" then the whole week and me assuming the dirtiest stuff comes to light. I was so stupid but relieved cause maybe I could get him through Dylan, but I still needed to talk to Ryan.

"Josie the game is almost over is your mom going to drop me off home along with Issac" she says and I nod and look for Ryan.

He was sitting with another girl, of course, he was with another girl I should've known. No one would ever fall for me or ever want me like that. I was just a toy that everyone used just to put back on the sleeve.

But then I looked again and the girl was sitting next to one of the girls from the bathroom and then they kissed. Maybe I should start stressing things and just talk to him already.

"Ryan" I say and he looks at me in surprise that I wasn't running from him for once. I needed to be cool and not panic I mean what could happen. My hair fall out or I trip or he sees a pretty girl and pushes me into the grass.

"Josie what's up" he says and then he looks me with his cute and gorgeous eyes. But I couldn't give it at least not yet.

"I need to talk to you about something" I say and he gets up and we walk to the baseball field. My mind begins to take of hundreds of ways this could go down or what I should do next.

"Josie before you begin I already know you like me" he says.

"Oh shit oh shit we gotta get out of here your cover has been blown you've lived long enough" my brain screams at me.

"Well I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship" I say and I hear him laugh and I look at him he better not think this was a joke.

"I guess liking you back will probably ruin it," he says and sighs and I sit back down next to him.

Benyamin had broken my heart only a week ago was I really ready to move on. Especially with someone who's probably been with dozens of girls including most of my new friends.

"Ryan I-" I'm cut off when he kisses me. I'm cut off when he kisses me. I'm cut off when he kisses me. Ryan kissed me. Ryan is kissing me right now on this baseball field while our viral school won the football. My first kiss. His lips crashed into mine.

Nothing or nobody can or will ruin this moment it's our moment. Too bad I had to ruin it yep I ruined my first kiss. I Josephine Ruth Marabell ruined my first kiss by doing the worst thing to do in history of first kisses.

I spit. I spit. I spit on his lips, and I didn't even kiss him back. I just let him kiss me and put lips on mine while I spat on them.

"I'm sorry but I'm not ready for a relationship" I say and run as fast as I could. Good thing track and field was coming up soon I'd make it in a landslide. I was probably quicker than the flash sorry Barry Allen.