noticed | dolan twins

thirty-two

serenity

having the boys on tour was way harder than i could have ever imagined. with how close i grew to them both, watching them explore the world was hard. i wanted to be happy that they were happy but how could i when every night i felt that i was losing them? especially ethan. it was heartbreaking knowing everyday he was getting farther away from me. calls weren't ever enough to fill the void.

"hey eth." i said into the phone.

"hey serenity." he sounded so tired. time zones were terrible. "im sorry if i woke you." i apologized. i already saw my tears, blurring my vision.

"no its okay, i would answer you no matter what time." he said, i smiled but i knew he had stuff to do. "when will you be done touring." i asked.

"i don't know." he said, voice clearly blank with emotion. the line was silent as the tears fell off my cheeks on the my pillow. i sniffled hoping he didn't hear, i hated when he heard me crying. it made me feel terrible. i know he wants to be beside me again. eventually i told him i would let him sleep.

"sereni-" he started, "it okay eth, we'll talk some other time." i hung up. i couldn't hear his voice anymore. i was already starting to break down. was i wasting time waiting for this boy? i know i got myself into this falling for someone famous, but i never knew it would hurt this much. he had been away for 3 months, and it felt like everything had changed. what was i doing? he lives in california. i live in florida. i couldn't move to la, and he couldn't move to orlando. my heart broke seeing as every possible way for us to stay together was falling apart. he would be done with tour and go back home. long distance relationships are way too hard for me. visiting every few months was just too stressful and expensive.

i wiped my tears away and looked at my ceiling, my thoughts were crowding my mind. what was i going to do? i didn't want to end it. but we could both tell on the phone how hard it was for the both of us. i closed my eyes trying to forget about this whole thing, for sleep to take over.