Fuckbuddies

Salad Talk

I think that the main reason why I can't come out to anyone, is simply because I haven't really come out to myself properly.
I mean, I know I'm not straight. Something in me has always known. But I just can't accept the fact that there's nothing I can do about it.
And the worst part is, that no one will ever truly understand, so I just keep it to myself.
Well, there's only one person who can. My best friend in the whole world, who is basically me in a green eyed girl's body - Lauren Jauregui.

Me coming out to Lauren went something like this:
"Hey, Can we talk?", I said nervously, as I was playing with my ring on my middle finger.
I was sitting at the table, while she was in the kitchen, cutting vegetables for the salad we were having for dinner. She was wearing her hair down, and her body was wrapped in a soft black velvet dress.
"Why are you being so serious?", she said jokingly.
"No, for real. Can you sit down for a sec?", I insisted.
"Ok".
She stopped cutting those vegetables, and sat down in front of me.
She raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to tell her what was sitting on my heart.
"The thing is.. I, Well, I am kind of..", I couldn't really find the words to explain to her what was going on inside my head.
She was staring at me, completely confused.
"Is everything ok Camz?", she reached for my hand.
"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. I just.. found out something about myself, that I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with", I stared at her hand, which was stroking mine.
"Ok, do you want to tell me what it is?", she was so sweet and patient with me.
I stayed silent. I bit my lip as I looked at Lauren's hand holding mine.
And after a few seconds, I finally decided to speak: "I like girls"- I glanced at her.
"You what?", she lifted her left eyebrow in confusion.
"I like girls, I'm gay", I repeated.
Her jaw dropped. Literally.
"That's.. exciting, Camz. I'm pretty shocked right now so don't mind my reaction", she giggled, "but I'm very proud of you".
She got up from her chair and came close to me. She wrapped her arms around my head, and pressed it into her chest, pulling me in for a warm embrace.
"I'm so excited for you", she added, while hugging my face tightly.
I felt so safe in her arms. Lauren is the only person I am comfortable enough with to let my defenses down. She truly gets me, and I feel like I don't have that connection with anyone else.
Once she pulled away from the hug, she pinched my left cheek and went back to the kitchen.
"Have you told anyone?", she asked while washing her hands.
"No. You're the only one I told. And it will stay that way for a while".
"Whatever you're comfortable with Camz", she said and put the salad on the table, for the two of us to eat.
"Thank god", I grabbed the fork beside me, as I was fantasizing over that perfect-looking salad.
We both laughed at my ridiculously starving self, and that's pretty much how everything went down.