Fuckbuddies

Best Friends

I woke up late today, feeling weird but somewhat good. The date with Austin was pretty fun.
I opened my phone, to find a text from Lauren:
'So fucking happy for you!! You better come over and spill all the details'
I quickly replied to her cute text:
"I'm coming".
I was too lazy to put clothes on, so I threw a simple loose dress on myself, without even putting a bra on, and headed out.
I got to Lauren's house and nocked on the door.
"Come in bitch", she shouted from inside.
I opened the door, and noticed my best friend lying on the couch, with a bottle of vodka in her hand.
"Hello to you too", I said playfully. I walked up to her, and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"What did you do last night?", I asked while staring at the bottle she was holding.
"Nothing interesting, just got a little tipsy. What did you do last night? That's way more interesting", she asked as I sat down next to her.
"We had a really fun night. His name is Austin, and he is actually really cute", I responded while playing with the ring on my finger.
"Sounds fun", she smirked.

Lauren was very understanding. She totally supported me going on dates with guys, who I was clearly not interested in. She never pushed me to come out or anything. She just went along with my naive experimenting. But deep down, she wanted me to be honest with myself, and, furthermore, to be comfortable with my sexuality.
"So, were you attracted to him?", she asked, and put her drink on the coffee table.
This question caused me to do some reflecting.
I leaned my head on my arm and smiled softly, trying to repress my not so positive emotions.
"I'm not sure", I looked at her, "Like, I didn't get the butterflies. But he made me feel some type of way".
We both stayed silent for a few moments.
"That's ok. It might happen later on", she broke the silence.
"I just want love, Lo", I rested my head on her chest.
"Aw, Camzi, you're gonna make me cry", she stroked my hair. "You're gonna find love, don't worry", she added.
I bit my lip, trying to choke back my tears. The struggle of defining my sexuality started to really affect my happiness.
Lauren then continued her sweet motivational speech: "You're gonna find somebody, who will love every inch of you, and make you feel like you're the most perfect girl in the world. You're beautiful, Camz. Finding that person is only a matter of time", she said and laid a kiss on my forehead.
A single tear rolled down my cheek, making its way to my upper lip.
"How are you so comfortable with your sexuality?", I asked desperately.
I immediately regretted asking this. My question was a little naive, and kind of insensitive, considering she went through absolute hell trying to define her sexuality, and I, myself, was a witness. It took her a lot of time to heal, and to truly accept herself. Asking this just made me seem completely oblivious to what she went through.

But luckily, this angel in the body of a human wasn't even mad at me for asking, not in the slightest. She just smiled softly, and answered: "It took me a lot of healing to get to where I am. I hated myself at first. But I soon realized that it's not worth it. I am what I am. And it's beautiful", she continued stroking my hair.
"Yeah, you're incredibly beautiful. I don't understand how you're even single", I said.
She stayed silent for a few seconds, and then replied: "I, also, haven't found that someone, I guess. But it's just life."
I lifted my head from her chest and faced her: "Life sucks", I said jokingly, but I quickly found myself tearing up.
She cupped my right cheek with her hand, and wiped the tear away from my lip with her thumb.
"Don't cry", her lips curved into a smile, whilst her thumb was moving back and forth, rubbing the edge of my lip gently.
My heart was filled with joy and gratitude for this girl.
But I also felt something else, that I've never felt before. Her touching my lips after a deep conversation about love and sexuality led me to think of Lauren in a way I never I imagined I would. I suddenly found myself wanting to kiss her. Since she was my best friend, and since I was closeted for a really long time, I'd never dared to look at her that way.
"Lo", I muttered.
"Huh?", she was still smiling at me.
"What if we.. made out?".
Her face froze. She was obviously shocked to hear those words come out of my mouth.
"We.. what?", she asked in confusion.
"Do you want to kiss me? Just for fun. To see what it feels like", I quickly explained.
"I..", she stuttered, "You're my best friend".
We couldn't stop looking at each other. I guess this offer was tempting for the both of us.
"I know. But it's just for fun, no catching feelings", I said.
We were both silent. But none of us dared to look away. We stared deeply into each other's eyes, fantasizing over what could possibly happen if we weren't best friends ever since we can remember ourselves.
I leaned in, while looking back and forth between her beautiful lips and her captivating pair of green eyes.
As I got really close to her lips, she pulled away and grabbed her bottle of vodka from the table.
"We shouldn't. I don't want to take advantage of you", she said and took a sip.
I kept staring at her.
I love Lauren a lot, as my best friend. I could never fall in love with her. But at that moment, all I wanted to do was to rip her clothes off.

Suddenly I got a text, which caused me to stop staring at Lauren drinking her vodka. I opened my phone and noticed a message from Austin:
'Hello gorgeous. I had a lot of fun last time, and I was wondering if I'll get to see you again (:'
I quickly replied to him:
'Meet me at the beach today? I'll be there at six'.
As I was typing, I noticed Lauren was looking at me.
"Why are you smiling?", she asked, with a soft smile.
"I'm texting Austin. I told him to meet me at the beach", I said excitedly.
She laid a kiss on my forehead.
"Have fun, and stay safe", she got up and went to the kitchen.
"Wait, I need to shower but I won't be able to make it by six if I go home right now", I said.
"Just shower here. And pick whatever you want from my closet", she said from the kitchen.

And so I did. I took my clothes off and got into the shower.
After about 5 minutes, Lauren nocked on the door: "I'm coming in, I need a towel for the kitchen".
Lauren and I have already seen each other naked, but the thought of her seeing me naked after we almost kissed, was a little weird yet very tempting. She got in, but didn't even look at me. She grabbed the towel and got out.
I finished showering, and got dressed. I took one of Lauren's black velvet dresses, which smelled like candy cotton mixed with fresh cut lemons. Or in other words, the smell of Lauren's heavenly body odor.

I went to the kitchen, to say goodbye to her before heading out. All of a sudden, I noticed she was throwing up in the sink.
"Oh my fucking god, Lauren", I quickly pulled her hair backwards, and tried to clean her face with the towel she was using.
"What the fuck happened?", I asked panically.
"Go. Austin is waiting for you", she said while almost puking her liver out.
"I'm not going, you clearly need my help", I kept cleaning her face.
"No, just go. I'll be fine"
"Shut the fuck up. I'm staying"
"I'm ok. Please go Camila", she stopped throwing up. I looked at that poor girl, who was looking fine 10 minuets ago, but at that moment, she looked like she was about to pass out.
"I'm not going until you get in the shower", I insisted.
She went to her room, and threw her dirty clothes on the floor. As soon as the water started running she shouted from the shower: "I'm in the shower, now go."
I really wanted to stay. But I wanted to give her some space. And also, a really cute guy was waiting for me at the beach.
I got into my car and drove off.