without you // jack duff

chapter 1 ~ get over it

there we were, sat side by side on the small wooden port, our feet overhanging the edge above the water. the clear, rippling water of the river reflected the pastel colours in the sky as the darkness was slowly taking over. his arm was tightly, but comfortingly wrapped around my waist, and at that moment, i felt safe.

i felt the cold air replace the warmth of his touch as he stood up, holding his hand out for me.

"come on babe, we better get going" his gentle voice spoke, interrupting the silence. although i didn't want to leave, i grabbed his hand, pulling myself up to stand.

"could we maybe stay a bit longer? i don't think i can really face my dad right now" i asked, speaking the truth. my dad has been acting differently lately, a scary different. but i don't blame him. there's a lot going on right now. his only replied was a sigh, in a way that let me know he was genuinely annoyed

"what?" i asked, not knowing i did wrong

"i'm sick of this! all i ever hear from you now is about your family and how you don't want to be home. it's the only thing you care about!" he suddenly shouted. hearing him say these words caused me to feel my heart completely shatter. is he really serious?

"are you kidding? my mother has literally just died, my brother ran away and now my dad is a suicidal alcoholic! what else is supposed to be on my mind right now?!" i shouted back. letting these words escape my mouth brought tears to my eyes, but every part of it was true

within the past week, my life has just crashed down on me. my happy family has been torn apart. my mother has just died of cancer (which was also terminal so this was coming sooner or later), and my dad's 'coping mechanism' is alcohol. he does this because he's suicidal without my mum, but it also makes him really angry at me and my older brother. also, because of this, my brother ran away, leaving me with my drunken, aggressive father. and believe me, it isn't fun.

"anything but that! just get over it" he shouted back, making a tear fall from my eye.

"get over it? jack you know how much is going on, and you know how hard this is for me. what happened to always being here for me? for each other?" my voice broke as i tried to get the last sentences out

"well maybe i'm not. maybe this isn't gonna work" he spoke, the words stabbing into my heart like daggers

he looked at me for a moment before turning and waking away. i fell down to my knees, crying, somehow feeling more broken than i ever did before

•••

i woke up, feeling beads of sweat form across my forehead, and my chest moving up and down as i tried to catch my breath. did i just dream about mine and jacks breakup?

i sat up and reached over to my bedside table for my drink. i turned the lamp on and layed back against my wall.

it's been over 3 years since i last saw jack. why have i just relived our breakup? unfortunately, that is exactly how it went - my mum died, my dad was suicidal and turned into an alcoholic (killing himself soon later), my brother ran away, and the one person i trusted with my whole life left - just like that.

you think that's bad? me and jack had been best friends for around 10 years, as well as those last two years which were of us being in a relationship. he knew everything about me, and i knew everything about him. nothing could ever get between us, and i trusted him with my life. but all that trust i had in him was immediately lost, and with all the pain i went through, i don't think there's any way i could trust someone as much as i trusted him.

as well as him suddenly leaving me out of no where, he moved, far far away. well i'm guessing far away; i've never heard from him since then. i don't know where, and i don't know why

once i feel calm again, i lay back down in my bed, closing my eyes to get back to sleep. i have a big day ahead of me tomorrow, i need to make sure i get enough rest. but all i could think about was that dream

__________

a/n
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