without you // jack duff

chapter 24 ~ meaningless words

//the previous day//
brooks pov

all the boys were quite hungover from all the drinking last night, but it didn't seem to hit me as hard as it did them. jack left earlier this morning, saying he had to go speak to someone - cassie. none of us can believe what happened between them last night, especially knowing what they'd been through. i didn't find it weird that me and cassie have kissed before and now jack has again, i only see her as one of my best friends. i'm just worried about what's going to happen with jack going to speak to her now

around 20 minutes later, jack came back, but before we could say anything to him he ran into our room and locked himself in. i noticed he was crying as his face was red and tear stained, but that meant he probably wouldn't let any of us speak to him for the rest of the day. the other boys sighed while i got up and headed towards our room. i tried pushing the handle incase he hadn't locked the door, but he had

"jack?" i called, gently knocking on the door. he didn't reply, but i could faintly hear him crying.

"jack let me in" i pleaded but he still said nothing.

"will you talk to me later?" i asked and i heard faint movement, so i took that as a yes. i let out a sigh and went to sit back with the others, waiting a while until he was ready to talk to me.   

•••

before i went to go speak to jack, i made him a little plate of chips since he hadn't ate today or yesterday. i picked up the plate and walked over to our room, slowly opening the door to find it was now unlocked. i opened it further and walked in to see jack in his bed, wrapped in his duvet and watching a movie on his laptop. he had his hood pulled over his head, pushing his hair across his forehead. the light from the screen slightly lit up the dim room, showing the black circles around his tear-stained eyes.

"hey" i quietly said, sitting in front of him on the edge of his bed. he quickly glanced at me and his lips formed a slight smile before looking back at the screen

"i made you some food, you haven't eaten in a while" i spoke, pushing the plate of chips towards him. he didn't do anything but let out a small sigh, resting his head in his hands

"jack you need to eat" i continued. we were all getting worried about him. he never seems to be eating or sleeping, and it's really not good for him.

"i'm not hungry" he replied, his voice barely audible.

"can you at least drink something?" i pleaded, reaching for the water bottle on my side of the room and handing it to him. he let out another sigh and opened the bottle, taking a small sip from it before closing it

". . . could you tell me what happened?" i asked, really wanting him to open up to make him feel better. he paused the movie and closed his eyes for a moment opening them to look at me. his eyes held so much emotion, you could see how broken he felt

"i miss her so much" he whispered, looking down, playing with his food rather than eating it.

"i know you do," i frowned. i couldn't imagine what it must be like for either of them. they've both been through so much whether it was with or without each other.
"but what happened when you went to go speak to her?" i asked. he took a deep breath before replying

"i- i went to go apologise to her about last night and. . . before but she- she just snapped at me" his voice broke, clearly feeling hurt after trying to make things better

"i hate myself. i hate myself so much," he whispered and i frowned
"i never should have left her. she doesn't want to see me but all i want to see is her. she's the only reason i'm alive but she wants nothing to do with me" he whimpered, wiping his eyes before any tears could fall. i've never seen him so heart broken. he pulled his sleeves over his hands and buried his face in hands, starting to cry

"i know 'sorry' is a meaningless word but there's nothing else i can do. i don't wanna live without her" he sobbed and i pulled him into a hug. he's my best friend, i've lived with him for two years and i've never seen him so heart broken. i've always knew that he's never been as happy as he could be, but i've never seen him like this

"don't say that jack. she doesn't hate you as much as you think. she's stayed here for a reason. if she hated you that much, she wouldn't be here. what happened last night wouldn't have happened" i spoke, rubbing his back as he cried into my shoulder

"but she- she was there from the start. i loved her the day i met her and i still do! it's been thirteen years and everyday i've loved her more" he managed to get out

"come on" i started, pushing his plate of food out of the way and bringing his laptop towards us
"i'll watch a few movies with you to get your mind off of things" i said, sitting close beside him so he wouldn't feel alone. he nodded and i played the movie as he rested his head on my shoulder and cuddled into my side. i wrapped my arm around him to make sure he didn't feel so alone.

jack soon fell asleep so i carefully got up and gently laid him down, pulling the covers over him. this is the first time he's slept in days so i didn't want to disturb him. i quietly left the room and checked my phone, noticing i got a text from cassie

cassie💋:
can you come over? i need to talk to someone

i quickly replied, knowing she'd be feeling the same way jack did. i started to make my way over as i wanted to make sure she'd be okay, and to hopefully make her feel better too

a/n
sleep time

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