✔︎ | Part of Me (Trilogy)

4 | give it a chance

send me links to gifs that would be good for this book, i feel like I'm reusing gifs lol

4 | give it a chance

Please give it a chance, sweetheart

I eat my takeout on the front porch, praying to God that Axel doesn't find it a good idea to join me. I have nowhere else to go to get away from him. I can't even go hide in my room. I could go to Dylan's but his I love you freaked me out. I know I don't love him back, not yet. I really, really, like him, but I just don't feel about him the way that I feel about—

The front door opens. I don't check to see who it is. I'm too scared. 

"Avs," Will says softly, taking a seat beside me. I glance at him and he asks with a concerned voice, "how are you holding up?" 

I laugh. And then I feel a sob come on, and Will takes me into his arms, but I stop myself from breathing to stop myself from crying. I will not cry over Axel again. I cried for weeks after he left, especially when he didn't return my calls or texts. I think he had blocked me, and I was devastated, it literally ruined the rest of my summer, and the beginning of university, which I still hate, for the most part. 

"God, I don't know what to do, Avi," Will says. "I love Axel. He's my best friend. And I get where he was coming from leaving you, but because he left you, I'm always really mad, and seeing how upset you were, Avi, I, I just —"

"Will," I touch his shoulder, taking a deep breath, "just be his friend. I'm okay. I understand that he had to leave too. I hate him for it," I mutter, and mumble, "okay, not really. But I'm fine. I'm over it, and I've moved on. I'm with Dylan." 

Will sighs, wrapping his arms around me. "I just want you to be happy." 

I know he doesn't mean happy with Dylan, but I don't argue with him about it. He really does think Axel could still make me happy. Maybe he could. Maybe I could get back together with him, and be so happy, and have an amazing time with him, but I have to face the facts: he's going to leave again. So no, I'm not crawling back. I'm protecting myself. 

I wake early the next morning and make myself a tea to start my day, hoping to get away before I have to see anyone. I pull on the pair of baggy ripped jeans and the black cropped top I brought downstairs last night so I wouldn't have to go to my room this morning, and pull on my scuffed up pair of white converse while my tea brews. 

I take it outside, throwing a jacket over my shoulders, but the cool air still sends shivers down my spine. I take it in. It's so fresh, and smells like the ocean. I sit on the bench out back, trying to shove the memory of sitting here with Axel and Will smoking weed and gazing at the stars, out of my mind. 

I can't seem to distract myself though. I remember how Axel looked at me when I approached the two. I don't know how I was so blind, because it was obvious he was into me then. I remember when I took the joint, he laughed when I choked on the taste, but he was there, making sure I was okay. I leaned back into his arms, because he was silly, and high, but now I realize he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that he wanted to hold me.