book 1 ✔︎
book 2 ✔︎
book 3 ✔︎
PART OF ME - you become so emotionally close to someone that you feel like they are literally a part of you, like a half of your heart. You don't want to live without them - you can't.
Aviana Ember wouldn't know this fe...
I was asked to write from Axel's POV and I thought that would actually be a pretty good idea for this chapter.
19 | never giving up
we're going to work through this, okay?
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I think I've changed within the last two years. But changing yourself doesn't change what you've already done. I can't forget about it. I don't think I understand it enough to decide whether or not I need to forgive myself for it. I know I had to leave Cali. That was obvious to me. But leaving Aviana there, without contact, just became the plan the closer I got to moving. I don't know if it was the right choice. It hurt like hell, and I know I hurt Aviana. She's still hurt by it.
But I have to ask myself: would she be here now if I hadn't ended it two years ago?
And honestly, I don't think she would be. Neither of us could have dealt with the distance if we tried to stick it out. We probably would have decided that she'd move here with me after a couple months of us being apart. I've been living in residence until this year, where I shared an apartment with the guys until I got mine just before Christmas break. We wouldn't have been living together, which would have been frustrating all in itself, but even then, she would have to have dealt with me while I was looking for my father.
That would have torn her apart. She's strong; she's one of the strongest people I know, but it would have broken her. I would have broken her, because I was broken, and lonely, and I think I would have only infected her with that too.
All I can hope now is that I can figure out a way to fix it. Maybe not even fix it, per say, but you know, start painting on another canvas and hope the picture turns out less depressing than the old one.
Aviana's still sleeping by the time I get up to work on a paper, but she wanders out of our room by the time I'm halfway through my coffee. She smiles softly when I stand up, and rubs her eyes before stretching.
"Morning," I murmur, watching her carefully.
She sighs, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry about last night."
I shake my head. "You have nothing to apologize for," I tell her, stepping a little closer. "I'm the one who's sorry." I reach out for her hand and pull her into me, gently enveloping her in my arms to kiss the top of her head. She presses her face against my chest and breathes me in, letting her arms fall to the side, and just lets me hold her. I feel awful, but I haven't figured out what to do yet, other than just hold her close like I'll never let go, which seems to comfort her.
She cried herself to sleep last night, with my arms around her. She doesn't know that I cried too, after she fell asleep.
"It's not your fault," she whispers, looking up at me. "Yesterday was crazy. I was high on adrenaline and super sleep deprived and I just kind of freaked out. I feel really bad about it, babe," she says, and my heart lights up at the sound of her calling me 'babe'. "And it was your birthday too. I totally ruined it."
