Kill Me With Words (All Time Low Fanfiction)

Chapter 24

I wore a stiff black dress to his funeral. Round neck, with lace sleeves and a skirt that felt like it was made from cardboard. My shoes were flat. I still felt as though I would topple over.

Jack came with us to the funeral, slipping silently into one of the back rows to sit beside some people that I’m sure were related to the band in some way, but I hadn’t the strength to recall their names. He sent me an encouraging smile when I glanced back at him.

Alex stayed by my side when I walked up the centre aisle of the church. It was mostly empty; Jacob wasn’t a friend kind of person, and obviously we had no family. The seats were taken by social workers, people who worked at the juvie, and foster kids. Some I knew. Some I didn’t. All sent me pitying smiles, which I did my best to ignore.

The ceremony was short. The casket was shut. Alex held my hand. I didn’t cry.

 

It started raining when we got to the graveyard. Apparently they’d expected this, and black umbrellas were spread around the small group. Alex opened it for the both of us and held it over my head, even though I wouldn’t have minded being drowned.

I liked the rain anyway. It felt like the skies were crying for him too.

His coffin was lowered into the earth with long cords that looked like they’d snap at any moment, and the wooden box would crash into the earth, and the corpse would roll out looking literally as pale as death.

There was a thump when it hit the earth. And then there were people in black, lining up like little organised angels of death, and tossing clumps of earth over his body. The rain had turned the soil into sloggy slush that stayed on people’s skin long after they dropped it into the hole. Good, I thought, something to remember him by.

When it was my turn, Alex squeezed my hand. I needed it. Tears began to well up as I watched the mud splatter across the wooden coffin. It was made from pine, because that was the cheapest. I thought about how pine trees don’t lose their needles, and then I thought about how he’d said I’d never lose him. He was a liar.

Then they laid the grass back over it, and it looked like he was never there.

People walked up to me. shaking my hand and tell my how sorry they were for my loss. The Carer was there, as was Cassia, and Broderick, Tara and Jamia from my old foster home. Jamia had even brought her mystery boyfriend, wearing a dark suit and a crooked collar.

“I’m sorry, darling,” The Carer whispered into my ear as she embraced me, “I know how much he meant to you.” She pulled back and looked at Alex. “Will you be staying for long?”

He shook his head. “We came down yesterday. We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning.”

The Carer sighed. “Well, if you find time, you should stop by the house.”

 

The sky was beginning to darken. It wasn’t black yet, more of a navy blue colour. I imagined a flock of swallows flying above me, except they were gliding on their backs, their pale stomachs basking in the sunlight while down below all we could see were their dark blue feathers.

“Finley?” Alex was standing beside his car. “We can go back to the hotel now, if you like.”

I paused. I kind of liked the way the cool air was blanketing me. I felt feverish and hot, and the sharpness in the breeze was comforting against my skin.

“We can walk back if you want,” Jack said. He looked serious. I stared at him for a second, taking in his sombre expression. His hair was flat, he was wearing a dark suit. “Finley?”