Jacksepticeye One Shots

What It's Like To Be A Doctor

Description: Have you ever wondered what it's like to be a doctor?

TW: Referenced suicide attempt and mentions of death.

4th of May 2018

Have you ever wondered what it is like to be a doctor?

Some people think it's all about operating tables and saving lives. It's all about fixing people up so that they leave better off than when they entered. That's part of it, of course but not all of it.

People come rushing in, tears streaming down their faces as they hold loved ones in their arms. I take the loved one and I do the routine scans to find out what's wrong with them, I give them the diagnosis and I tell their families. I have to watch and maintain my composure as their families break down and question the amount of time the loved one has left.

Sometimes I have the pleasure of saying a long time. Other times, I regretfully have to say a few weeks. Days, even. Those are the worst. I can't cry because they are not my family member and I do not know them. All I can do is watch as they hold onto each other and pray that their loved one will be miraculously cured. A lot of people pray and I can almost guarantee not all of them are religious. Some people grip onto any tiny fragment of hope they can obtain.

The best days are when I can save a life. Contrary to most people's beliefs, it doesn't happen often. There was this one man, only in his twenties. A bullet wound to his head. Self inflicted. I rushed him into the operating theatre and managed to prevent any serious brain damage. His friends thanked me and they were sobbing. Good sobbing. Chase, the man I managed to save, also thanked me rather bashfully and accepted the leaflets I gave to him about getting help when you're suffering with  suicidal thoughts. He was a kind man and he definitely did not deserve to die at a young age. Not that anyone really does. I managed to befriend the group and they were all amazing people.

The worst days are when you have to give someone bad news. Their family members can sometimes scream at you due to the grief- not that I blame them. A hospital is meant to protect, to save, not to pass on news that can change a life in a negative way. Today someone yelled at me and told me it was all my fault. There was more I could do. I didn't focus on their family member enough. I had to take a deep breath and reassure them that I had done everything I could have possibly done for them.

It's a stressful job that requires long hours. Hard work. Sweat. Blood. Tears. I don't think I'd continue it if I wasn't so passionate about giving people higher quality lives. I enjoy handing out medicine and doing operations that can extend an innocent person's life. The grateful smiles and the evolution of someone so weak into someone so strong make it all worth it.

Losing patients does get to me though. It's hard to deal with sometimes. I have to admit that I have spent countless nights locked up in my bedroom, pulling at my hair, crying and wondering if this is really the profession I want to have for the rest of my life. Bags form under my eyes and get thicker as the days pass because of how late I have to stay up, studying patients' cases. I can't risk making a mistake. I need to be thorough.

So, yes, it's hard. I'm tired, stressed and don't have time for a family or many friends. But seeing people getting better and knowing it's because of my doing makes it worth it. Even saving just one life would make it all worth it. That's why I'm starting this diary. In here I can write about the lives  I have saved. Then, when I feel upset about watching someone pass away in front of me, I can read my entries back and have a reminder of why I spent so many years at medical school and wanted to be a doctor in the first place... to help people.

Henrik.

I have had such a good day today and I truly hope you had a good day too<3