The Haze

서른 하나

31

What If

...

       

Skirts. More skirts. And even more skirts.

That's all Kiah brings when I ask her for a style upgrade. I was thinking more along the lines of patterned pant suits instead of plain ones, or maybe a new set of white blouses. I'm stood with my head poking out from the changing room curtain, my eyebrows raised at the unspeakable number of skirts in the girl's hands.

Jinseo purses her lips, sitting back on the plush red couch in the new blue jumpsuit Kiah had picked out for her. 

"Kiah. I don't wear skirts."

"Aigo [omg]." The younger and more fashionable of us all rolls her eyes, "unnie [big sis], you have nice legs!"

I tug at the curtain in mock anxiety, "who has the time to shave their legs every time they want to go outside!?"

Jinseo grins, waiting for the petite bob-haired woman to answer. Just as Kiah opens her mouth to speak, Mrs Jeon walks out from the changing cubicle next to mine, a knee length skater skirt hugging her figure.

Kiah forgets about me completely and turns her attention to her boyfriend's mother, "omo eomeoni [omg mother]! You look so beautiful!" 

Mrs Jeon turns to face us, eyes bright and youthful, "do you like it girls?"

We all nod enthusiastically in unison. She smiles at us, her short brown hair jumping on her shoulders as she skips back into the cubicle. For a second I swear I just see a young girl in a dress, shopping with her friends. The thought makes me warm inside. I turn back to Kiah with a newfound zest for life, "fine. Give me that long navy one."

She beams up at me as she hands me the one I asked for, along with a much shorter caramel number. I stop her, "no, just the long one."

Rolling her eyes she hands me the skirt before sauntering back into the store, shaking her head, "I'll find you some nice trousers unnie."

———————

"I can't believe he promoted you."

We're sat in a cafe at the mall, the combined echos of everyone in the building resonating around us. Jungkook sits between his mother and Kiah, wide eyes curious about my current work situation.

I sip my tea, "he hasn't yet. I told him I'd think about it."

Kiah sits up, "what's there to think about?! He's clearly in love with you, surely that's enough!"

I scoff at her enthusiasm, "that's not true and that's not the point."

Mrs Jeon sighs, putting her hand on my leg in comfort, "I understand dear. She want's him to see her for her worth and potential, she wants to make sure he's promoting her because she's capable," she tucks my hair behind my ear and nods knowingly, "not just because she has a pretty face."

My eyes become misty from her sudden loving act, I look to her with a thankful smile, my lips pouting out as I nod at her. I look down and drink more tea to prevent embarrassing myself in front of Jungkook. Although, one look at him confirms that he's zoned out as he stares at the table with wide eyes. Where does he go when he does that?

Jinseo nudges me from the other side, "For what it's worth, I think he already does. He puts everything into that company, he wouldn't make decisions like this unless he was sure that it would benefit everyone."

Kiah starts nodding quickly, "that's true! Omo unnie [omg big sis], this'll be the end of Mr Jang's awfully unorganised and messy desk!" We watch as she stands, clutching her hands in front of her chest as she shakes them in begging formation, "please unnie... Can I organise it?" Jungkook blinks up at her as his now raised arm shakes, his large hand sat comfortably between her two tiny ones.

I pause for a moment before speaking, "so you all think I should take the job?" Everyone nods in approval, some more unnecessarily enthusiastically than others. 

Mrs Jeon turns her body to face me, "yes Luna, you should. And let Kiah clean the desk," she turns to her son and his girlfriend, her demeanour now serious and motherly. "Jungkook, people with attention to detail like Kiah, are the kinds of people you want to keep around." Looking down at her new dress she cocks her head to the side, "plus, she has good fashion sense."

She smiles approvingly at them both as she squeezes her son's shoulder. The couple's eyes mirror each other as they disappear into crescents, their hands intertwining stronger than before. Turning to Jinseo, I see that she's watching with the same smile on her face. I link my arm with hers before sitting back, enjoying this warm feeling of company as their reassuring words about Jungwoo amble soothingly through my mind. 

When Kiah comes back to the present, her face turns upside down, lips pouting in annoyance as she motions to Jinseo and I, "aish [ergh], you're both moving up in your careers, first you with your drama, now you with your promotion! Why can't I be successful too..."

Jinseo and I try to defend ourselves, "ya! Your day will come, you're still young!" But from the way that my friend squeezes my arm, I can tell that she feels just as bad as I do.

Kiah's head hangs low as she sips her ice tea, "whatever."

Thankfully Jungkookie steps in, wrapping his long arms around her and giving her a gentle squeeze. My heart melts as I watch how he looks into her eyes, his long eyelashes slowly fluttering when their gazes meet. As their unspoken conversation seems to come to an end, Kiah turns back to us with her usual girlish grin, "nevermind, I have him."

Jinseo and I exchange gloomy glances, before miserably answering in unison, "... Whatever."

Mrs Jeon clasps her hands in front of her and states very matter of factly, "aigo [omg]. You'll both be fine." She widens her eyes and points to each of us, "Jinseo-ah, you will marry one of the actors in your drama. And Luna," her eyes scrunch up as she smiles slyly, "you will marry a CEO."

She sits back and looks into the distance, "although I have no idea how I'll be able to control myself if my son in law looks like that."

Jungkook visibly cringes as his mother daydreams about Jungwoo. I gently hold her arm, "eomeoni [mother], you can marry him instead if you'd like."

She shakes her head sadly, "aniya [no], my body wouldn't be able to keep up with his-"

Jungkook is already standing up covering his ears, "-eomma [mum]!"

My laugh comes at full capacity, Jinseo's following suit. The doe eyed look in Jungkook's eyes too much to handle as he sits back down, defeated and cringed-out.

We continue to talk and shop the afternoon away in the air conditioned, bright building, with no clue as to the weather or goings-on in the outside world. My mind can't help but spin at the thought of Monday morning, the thought of my first promotion. When I moved here, never would I have thought that something like this would happen.

As we wander through the mall on the shiny marble floor, the excitement in my stomach just seems to get stronger and stronger, and for a second, I allow myself to entertain the impossible.

What if I could stay here. Work here until I retire. Have these friends forever. Be around him until I die.

The possibilities cut across my mind in fast-motion, the version of me I don't recognise smiling at me from the other side.

The excitement in my bones that those thoughts create, terrifies me to my core.