The Haze

서른 아홉

39

You Think You Know 

...

My eyes were focused on absolutely nothing, the wheels in my head spinning. I'm only partially aware of my finger drumming on my thigh, or my teeth gnawing at my lip. Buildings are whooshing past in a blur, nothing remarkable to be seen or heard.

I'm going to tell them today. I could wait a week, prepare myself, hold back until the anxiety fizzles out. But then I run the risk of letting them find out on their own. I clamp my eyes shut, not wanting to revisit the scenario where all three of them never speak to me again.

My foot starts tapping as I think of what Jinseo had said, when I'd called her in a panic earlier this morning. Jungwoo's ear was safely away with him in the shower, my empty lie of being 'okay' sitting comfortably in his head. But then again, I know he's not stupid. At all.

"Focus on the best scenario, Luna."

So thats what I'm trying to do as the car glides through Seoul, the engine's hum nothing but a faint purr behind my thoughts.

Kiah will understand.

Mrs Jeon will understand.

Jungkook will understand.

Oh God, how will Jungkook react...

I'm so deep into my internal prayer that I don't realise we've stopped, or that Jungwoo is calling my name.

"...Luna,"

I open my eyes and find myself still in the car, outside my apartment. Snapping my head around, I meet Jungwoo's worried eyes, "Gwenchana [are you ok]?"

Swallowing slowly, I try to nod convincingly, "Ne daepyonim [yes Mr Park]."

His gaze flickers away, clearly not believing me. He shakes his head disappointedly, his choice of conversation topic, as always, a complete mystery to me, "You always call me 'daepyonim'."

Facing him, I notice the slight glint in his eyes and decide to humour him, a second of taking my mind off of things sitting comfortably over my chest. "Well, what would you like me to call you?"