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Shocked wasn't the word to describe how I felt when Delilah asked to sleep with me last night. If I'd known it'd be like this, she would have been sleeping with me since her first night here. Here I was, waken in the middle of the night to her shaking and crying in her sleep. Part of me wanted to wake her, but who knows if she would attack me.
"STOP! STOP!" She yelled as she tossed and turned uncontrollably. I shook my head, not wanting to see her so bothered anymore.
"Delilah, wake up ma." I gently tapped her, she didn't budge. "Yo D." I said shaking her body, resulting me being punched in my nose, just as I expected.
"Fuck." I groaned, removing my hand, seeing that she had my shit bleeding.
"Oh God, I-I'm sorry Rod." She used her hands to cover her mouth.
"Damn girl, here I am trying to wake you up from ya nightmares and shit, and you hitting me like I'm the enemy and shit, never again." I cut my eyes at her before walking to the bathroom to clean myself up.
About ten minutes later, my nose had stopped bleeding. I walked over to the dresser, finding another shirt to put on, since the other had blood on it.
"I'm sorry Rod." She said again.
"You hit like a fucking man, you sure you got a coochie down there? I ain't with that gay shit." I said making her laugh.
"You wanna see for yourself?" She asked, grabbing my hand, leading it closer to her shorts.
"Sike!" She screamed just before my hand reached her area.
"Play too fucking much." I smacked my teeth.
"Thank you for waking me. I'm tired of having the same nightmares over and over." She sighed.
"You gone be straight, stop worrying about whatever it is that got you on edge." I assured her.
"It ain't that easy." She put her head down.
"You wanna talk about it?" I asked her.
"I don't want you to look at me differently." She said as a tear rolled down her face. I feel honored that my opinion mattered to her, but I was never the type to judge. I was a firm believer that only God had the power to do that.
"Look ma, you can trust me. Who am I to try to look at you funny?"
"Well, it all started when I was 11." She started. "I started noticing the slight changes in my mothers behavior. She was coming home from work later, hanging out with new people that I knew little about, and she never had money anymore."
"I knew she was making good money, working at the bank. So where the hell was it going to?" She rhetorically asked.
"That was when one night, I was using the bathroom, and I wasn't feeling so well, so looking into the medicine cabinet for something to take, I came across a pipe." She shook her head. "I didn't know what it was then, because I wasn't too educated on drugs, but now I know it was a crack pipe."
"A year had went by, and I hadn't mentioned me knowing to her, but instead kept acting like I was clueless. I felt like it wasn't my place to say anything."
"I turned 12. My mom started telling me she "had a job for me" or "needed my help" I was confused. One night a buff dark skinned man came walking into my room as I listened to music."
"That's where it all started. The man informed me that momma told him I'd be good to him. I supposedly had agreed to sleeping with this man. I was horrified."
"I tried asking my mom to not let him do this, all she had to say to me was "be a big girl" "close your eyes" "it'll be over before you know it." She began crying.
"You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to." I stopped her, seeing that this was hurting her to talk about.
"No, I'm okay, I need to let this out." She said wiping her face, but the tears never stopped.
"After my virginity was taken from me, my mom used me more and more to her advantage. Some of the men even tried to have both of us at the same time." She tapped her foot against the carpet.
"As the years went by, I couldn't count the times my mom practically sold me, for this damn drug." She sniffled.
"The day you found me, was the day I decided I no longer wanted to live that life." She looked up at me with a slight smile on her face. "You saved me."
I was at a loss for words. I knew she had been through a lot, but just the thought of a mother being okay with her daughter giving her body away to complete strangers disgusted me. I was hurting for the girl.
"Have you ever been, you know... checked out?" I asked her.
She looked away for a second. "Damn I tried to avoid telling you this part." She closed her eyes.
"One night, I was rushed to the hospital. Seeing blood gushing between my legs was scary to me. I knew what a period was, but I knew it was nothing like this." She let out a deep breath.
"The doctor informed me that I was 2 months pregnant, and had suffered a miscarriage." She started shaking. "I was so young, and to find out I was once carrying a child, that couldn't make it to this world, hurt me. Then again, i was relieved that they didn't have to suffer in such a cold place." She smiled.
"That night, I decided to kill 2 birds in one stone, and asked the doctors, could they check for other stuff. All negative." She looked up at the ceiling saying a silent thank you.
"The doctors put me on a list, for monthly check ups, and asked was everything okay at home."
"I loved my mom despite the wrong she was doing to me. I didn't give her away to them."
"Damn, that's solid." I said grabbing her pulling her closer to me as she pulled herself together. "You strong forreal." I rubbed my hand up and down her back.
"Thank you for listening. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder." She cried.
"I'm here for you." I said as we both decided to lay back down.
I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly so that she'd feel protected.
