Alone {𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕊𝕌ℕ𝔾}

Chapter Five

ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS HE'D EVER HAD TO FACE WERE THE URGES. ALL IT TOOK WAS A word, or a glance, and he'd be chucked back into a whirlpool of bad habits and pain that he wasn't sure he'd be able to claw his way out of a second time.

Scratch that, he hadn't escaped it the first time around.

His hands continuously tugged on his sleeves, as if they had ridden up his arms, when in reality they were as low as they could possibly go. His wrists burned, and he knew that all it took to make the pain go away would be to pick up the razorblade he kept hidden in his glasses case and slide it across his skin.

His steps halted, and his eyes flitted back over to his house. He could just turn back now, nobody was home; nobody would see him.

He shook off his thoughts, and forced himself to run in the opposite direction. Many people gave him odd looks as he passed, but he couldn't be bothered to pay them any heed. It wasn't like it was any different than his usual day-to-day experiences, but he just needed to get away; away from the blades.

He slowed to a stop, his lungs heaving in exertion, and he found himself in front of a small park. It was visibly bare apart for a few thick, sturdy trees, and Minho was surprised that he hadn't seen the place before.

Maybe it was because he'd never visited that part of town; he'd never really had an excuse to go anywhere else but home, school, and his neighbourhood corner store. He wasn't sure how far he'd run, but all he knew was that it was the perfect location to clear his thoughts.

He struggled to walk to a nearby tree, and hid behind the thick wood, bringing his knees up to his chest. Minho let his head rest on them, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make the aching go away.

Tears surfaced, and he let out a small sob. It had been over a year since he'd last felt so awful. He hated his episodes, even more so now that he was utterly alone. He didn't have anyone to calm him down anymore, no one to reassure him.

And he was the only one to blame.

The pain only increased, and his sobs no longer had any sound to them, coming out silently and agonizingly. Why am I still here? When will it all... stop?

He didn't want the pain anymore. He thought he had been getting better, but clearly he was still easy to harm. I can't even get better. I'm still so worthless.

His thoughts grew corrupt, and he knew it was only a matter of time before they completely spiraled out of control. "... Minho?" His eyes snapped open, but he kept his face hidden from view. He knew exactly who it was, and he really didn't want the silent tears streaking down his face to be noticed.

"Yeah...?" he croaked, wincing slightly by how haggard it sounded. Jisung removed his second earbud and knelt down next to him, absentmindedly petting his small dog, staring at the elder male worriedly.

He wasn't sure why he was so concerned, but something in his gut told him to do something. He just didn't know what. "Are you okay?" It was a stupid – ridiculous – question he'd asked a lot lately, because clearly he wasn't, but the strawberry blond couldn't think of anything else to say.

He was usually good at dealing with people, but his mind was completely blank in that instance. Minho nodded, although it was barely visible, and Jisung's eyebrows furrowed. "I... I know you don't really know me all that well..." he trailed off slightly, before focusing on the elder again.

"But... I'm here for you." He finished hesitantly, and the brunet tensed, before he slowly looked up, and Jisung was shocked by the thick tears constantly rolling down his face, and the bloodshot look of his eyes.

He was crying, hard, and it unsettled the boy.

He hesitantly wrapped his arm around the other's shoulder, guiding his head into his shoulder. He knew that it was the time of day where many passersby would walk along the path through the park, and he wanted to shield the other's tears from their prying eyes.

Minho was shocked, and he was tense and uncomfortable against the other's shoulder, but after a few moments of stark silence apart from the younger's steady heartbeat and even breathing, he slowly relaxed, rapidly blinking his tears away.

"I-It's okay, hyung. Whatever's bothering you, it'll get better soon." The brunet had a strong urge to tell him that, no, it wasn't going to get better soon, because it hadn't gotten better in years. It had been there for so long that it became like second nature, always lurking around the rim of his mind and slowly breaking his heart apart piece by piece.

No one's willing to fix it, either.

Who would possibly ever want someone as broken, as damaged as himself? He'd managed to drive away everybody, including his own family members. He was barely clinging by a thin thread, but for now, he'd allow himself to take comfort in the boy whose dog was repeatedly licking his hand.

For now, I'll hold you close.

A/N: Thoughts???

Q: What's a song that you typically listen to while writing this?

A: Inner Demons by Julian Brennan (idk it just fits so well).

Lots of love,

~Junnie