5:00 AM
I have been in surgery for less than an hour, and the poison has set in. I created my own death. Who would challenge that? This whole time I have tried and tried to think of reasons to live, and did what I did when I so desperately wanted to end this miserable life. In all truth, sitting here, thinking about it, I made the worst choice ever. Even if I want to deny it, I wished for Kellin to come back. Harmony to wake up. And me? I wanted to survive. Maybe talk to Stephen again, write more music, relearn past instruments. You don't understand life until it is ripped from your very soul. Exactly what happened to me, I wasn't given a choice. But it was my choice to leave, my choice to love Kellin. Maybe it is all a dream, a lie, a thought. I will wake up. I have to. For Harmony, and how badly I want to say 'For Katy'. But it's all over. Losing Katy was supposed to finalise everything, which it did, but the outcome was so..........different. Unexpected. Unforgettable. Painful. Hurtful. I could go on and on about this situation, but that won't change the past. I, Brooklyn Mackenzie, ran. I ran and never expected to look back. I didn't take in that forgetting a simple detail makes it all so hard. That Kellin, the Kellin Quinn, my Kellin Quinn, was a huge chunk of it. And I ruined his marriage, his perfect, happy marriage. If all that was overwhelming enough, he wasn't over me. He would take me back, but that wouldn't happen. I couldn't, I am not hurting Kellin again. Then the whole amount of my problems set in. Just layered onto me, over and over and over. My guts became knots. Where did this lead me? Where would Kellin go? No, he wasn't letting me go. This would be difficult, but necessary. I had to break Kellin's heart all over again.............................Little did he know I was breaking my own. No one wins in this sick, twisted game of Love.
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5:30 AM
I got out of surgery, and made improvement. The doctors weren't as worried, but still cautious. Frustration pulsed through me, if possible in this confusion of a state. Needles protruded my skin nearly every hour. A heart monitor annoyed me. But reminded me I was living. I wasn't dead, and had time to figure this bloody mess out. Where could I start? One, get a reason to run off once more. I had none, last time I was doing it to let Kellin have a life he'd enjoy. That didn't work out, now did it? This time I didn't want it to work out like last time. Many problems showed themselves. I would be broke, scarred, ignored, hated. My thoughts were torn and Harmony walked in, but the sight killed me.
Her wrists.
They were cut and bleeding. Tears soaked her sweet, sweet face, and I had a reason to live. Harmony just gave me the strength, but I still knew it would be all to hard to wake up. Then an idea protruded everything.
Close you eyes. Just close them.
I didn't know what else to do, so I did. A sickening feeling came over me. I felt my body do whirls. Then, I wanted to open my eyes. Because everything was dark, but I heard a different surrounding. I heard doctors, nurses, and metal against metal. Monitors going off, and then intercoms pleading names. This wasn't something bad.......This was good. It was perfect.
Because all this came from my own ears. The ones on my own body. The body that has been shriveled by a terrible crash. But the last time I recognised this body, it had a small ball of warmth against it. It had Katy. Pain overcame my numbness. Sadness overtook plans. This was some fairytale, it had to be. My plan worked, I was alive. No tragedie had came upon us, but the sins I have performed needed to be paid for.
And one thing struck my head like lightening.
Kellin. I was awake. Or I would be, and when I was, I would have to face him. Break his heart, break my heart, and make sure, most of all, Harmony was okay. She would understand, she had too. Just to have someone know I was doing this for the best would help.
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6:00 AM
A lot had gone down. From Kellin coming back, to Harmony leaving. At the moment, I was panicking. Doctors were tugging at my body, nurses rushing around to help the doctors, and most of all, my heart was stopping. The hurt never left, the medicine wasn't keeping me numb. Everything flashed through my mind. My life, friends, Kellin, Harmony, family, the dreams I once had, my band. That's when it happened. The pain that struck was nothing before, it made me want to move, jerk, with the excrutiating shock. My breathing was even more ragged than before. Everyone gave some more shouts and plucking at my corpse, I was sure it would be that soon. Numbness touched my legs, than licked my abdomen. It flooded my sensations. Focusing on my heart, I listened to my breath disappear. It was there, but it slowly left. Finally, my last breath was taken, and I couldn't find the will to inhale. My heart raced, then slowed. Kellin's voice was the last thing to ring through my mind. Heart shattered, lungs no longer functioning, and eyes permanately closed. That was me. Everything was darkening, and I put on my will into making the drumming sounds of my heart to continue. But my will wasn't enough, because my heart was dangerously slow. I listened to each beat, counting them
19....................................20...............................
I never go to 21. Not that I lost count, or my brain was in a rush of a scramble, but because there was no 21st beat. My heart was no longer beating. How was my thoughts still here? I don't know. What I do know?
There is no more pain. No more hurt. No more Katy. No more Kellin. No more Harmony. No more bullshit being inflicted by me. And most of all........................................No more Brooklynn.
ATTENTION! This isn't the end! I know, I know. It says she's dead. Now cry over her! xD I took way too long to update but i WAS BUSY :( I'd like to thank GloriaSaviahBVB for giving me a great idea. I really am working out my plans so this story isn't short, but hey, it might be. But yeah.. You choose c: No real playlist. Listen to sad songs? ;o Now, goodbye for now my lovelys <33
YOU ARE READING
The Secret Affair (Kellin Quinn/Sleeping With Sirens)
Teen FictionI ran. I ran and never expected to look back. But it's hard to not look at your past, especially when Kellin Quinn was included. When you ruined his marriage. When he isn't over you. ***MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!*** (in process of editing)
