The Secret Affair (Kellin Quinn/Sleeping With Sirens)

Chapter 10 - I'm Sorry, This Time I Can't Hang

6:45 AM

Kellin's P.O.V

I remembered everything. From getting my big break, to meeting her. From her running away, to getting the phone call that left me here. It's funny how phone calls can change your life completely. I mean, not even a full 12 hours ago was I woken up to be told the girl I once loved was dying. Now, here I am again. But this time, the news isn't easy.  It isn't someone saying she got better, that she has improved. They called me to inform me of something I never planned on happening.

Brooklyn Mackenzie's death.

My Brooke.............the one that was too fragile to hold the last time I saw her. Brooke ran off, leaving me to chase her. In our relationship, she kept up with me. Never had I changed the flow, but now? It was flipped. These turning tables spun too fast to catch. How did I let her slip through my fingers? At the moment, Katelynn took Copeland and I was here, broken on the floor. Brooke and I put each other through so much pain and misery................but that's love. It was always sickening, twisted. Nothing more, nothing less. My tear-stained face burned when it came in contact with the cool air of the outside world. I had just taken a hot, long shower. It was a way I tried to wash Brooke away, which failed miserably. She wasn't some girl who got to know, got to kiss, got to hold, then let go of easily.  No, Brooke was never one of those girls. No matter what life punched her with, she deserved a happy ending. Maybe her death brought that............Maybe, just maybe, that was her happy ending. No more pain, no more trouble. All of this ran through my head as I changed into a black v-neck and loose fitting jeans. They hung smugly on my hips, but didn't show off my boxers. Perfect. I decided music was needed, and plugged my iPod into the iDeck.

Fix You covered by Secondhand Serenade ft. Juliet Simms.

Perfect, my feelings.

When you lose something you cannot replace......

Tears stream down your face.....

You couldn't replace Brooklynn, and tears had once stained my face. After a moment, more songs went by but only one caught me. Automatic Loveletter.

Make-up Smeared Eyes.

Brooke had those for me once....Brooke. Everything had to go back to her! Why? Because the thought of no life pulsing through that once hyper, carefree girl is unbearable. Murdering me in the making, that's why. After a while, I stopped the mental break downs, the tears that briefly escaped, and the music. I never thought one day, music wouldn't help. This was the first time..........I believed it always would, it had for Brooke. But maybe it didn't, maybe it helped cover the pain. Sometimes it could have refreshed the hurt, like it did to me just now. I was no longer emotionally stable and broke down. The walls fell, leaving disaster.

"No.....no..........NO!!" I started out speaking softly and ended in a shriek of agony. My wet face felt the rush of air brush it, freezing it to a red tinge.

"Please............Brooke, walk through the door! Show me this is some sick fucking joke!" It took all the strength in my lungs, but my statement, my plead, echoed through the empty house. But the sobs wouldn't bring someone to life. The yells, the begging did nothing. This just gave me more anger and sadness. They were washing and fading and twisting together. Breathing became such a pain, I wanted to stop the action altogether. Like Brooke had. I want to join Brooke. Stumbling my way into the bathroom, I double checked to make sure what I thought and felt were real. Were they? I had fans, I had Katelynn.

You don't have Brooke anymore...

There it was. My pathetic reason to leave this world. She was a poison. An addiction. A guilty  pleasure. A secret. She was my dirty little secret. That bitter-sweet flavor you run too. Music still swayed from the radio, and Terrible Things by Mayday Parade came on. Life did do terrible things, truthfully. But we didn't have warning like this guy in the song, I just lost the girl I once loved.